Category Archives: friends

surprise visit!

09 Wednesday Jul 2008

Posted by in friends, home

≈ 16 Comments

Yesterday evening around 8.00 I was just hanging around watching some tv when someone came to the door downstairs. I almost didn’t answer it because I wasn’t expecting anybody, but I’m very glad I did as it turned out to be one of those ‘blast from my past’ moments.

It was Kristin at the door, an American historian who was my flatmate back in 2002 when I was still living in the apartment next door – what a lovely surprise that was! She’d just got into town and is only going to be here until Saturday doing research at the Archivos de Indios, but she was passing by my place and decided to take a chance and see if I was still here. Anyhow, she came up and we visited for awhile and today we’re going to meet for lunch. I told her I do better at staying vertical at midday than in the evening. In fact, we had to cut our visit a bit short yesterday because I was suddenly needing to lie down.

So it looks like it’s going to be a rather nice day. I have to leave in a few minutes to go to the hospital for my pre-op tests. Happily ‘La J’ is coming with me and we’re planning on taking the rental bikes through the park to get there and back, which will help make the experience more pleasant.

See y’all later! 🙂

carpe diem

08 Tuesday Jul 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, home, life stuff

≈ 20 Comments

I went to the supermarket with my friend (and new next door neighbour) ‘La J’ yesterday evening. As I was really missing Nog I thought about how strange it felt not to be there with him, about the countless times we’d been shopping at the supermarket together. Those little life routines.

And I was suddenly hit with the deepest sadness I’d ever known, far too deep for tears. Because I found myself wishing beyond reason, beyond hope, that I could ‘go back’ and have my old life back again. The one where I was healthy, before all this started. The one I had never appreciated enough.

I hope that you’re appreciating your today…

chemo sucks

30 Monday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 41 Comments

What an ordeal!

Because Pipocas was occupied with family obligations today, nursemyra & daisy very generously offered to go with me to my first chemo session, scheduled for 12 pm today. The one my oncologist told me would last for about an hour or so. I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for the appointment but got there even earlier, at 11.30.

Well, ha! I finally got put into the comfy chair around 2pm and was told the procedure would take about two and a half hours (wtf???) … but what could I do? I mostly felt bad for the chicas spending most of one of their holiday days in the hospital with me. And the procedure itself was no picnic as my hand and arm hurt like hell almost the whole time, and still does now some six hours later.

What I am mostly worried about now is how I’m going to react to the chemo and also the pills I have to take for the next two weeks, as these are apparently the ones that cause all the problems with nausea and vomiting. To wit, nursemyra is staying over tonight, mostly so I don’t have to go to sleep feeling afraid and alone – isn’t that lovely? I don’t know what’s going to happen, so until I start having symptoms that I can find a way of coping with it’s like being back in limbo once again.

Anyhow, just back from a lovely evening of tapas & wine with the chicas (tastebuds are already going wonky). And I’ve just finished chatting to Nog on the phone – he’s settling into his new job but really wishes he could be here. And now it’s time for bed. I honestly have no idea what tomorrow will bring but it feels safe knowing there’s someone just down the hall if I need anything. Even just knowing someone is there will probably be enough.

Going to try and be not so wimpy & needy tomorrow.

Hasta mañana . . .

¡campeones!

29 Sunday Jun 2008

Posted by in friends, health & happiness, home, sevilla, spain, tapas

≈ 11 Comments

As this was my last chemo-free day for who-knows-when it was a very self-indulgent one. After my usual morning routine and dreaded Bike Ride (whilst watching a chick flick on tv) I spent the afternoon just relaxing at home in very pleasant company and later on in the evening the girls and I went out for tapas. As the European Cup final was being played (Spain vs Germany) there was no problem getting a table at Bar Giralda. Afterwards we took a stroll and went for a nightcap on the rooftop terrace at the Hotel Doña Maria. Above you can see the view from our table.

Then Sevilla won the final 3-0 and all hell broke loose.

On our way out of the hotel I received a text message on my mobile phone from Blues Shark & Sara in London, who had been watching the match there. I hope they won’t mind me quoting it here but it made me laugh and also cry just a little…

Hiya! Just a quickie through the noise to let you know we’re thinking of you and wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Viva España! Viva az!! 🙂

Luckily I have something for them too! This pic was taken from the rooftop terrace. Click to enlarge.

prognosis & treatment (1)

28 Saturday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 20 Comments

It was question and answer time at the hospital yesterday. And I have to say that I was very impressed by how honestly my oncologist Yolanda answered my very direct questions.

The day got off to a bit of a frantic start. Not only was Nog packing up to leave for his month-long job teaching English at a residential camp for kids in Alicante, but Pipocas found out she might have to leave the hospital earlier than planned and, if I was going to start chemo, this would mean that I’d be left on my own. And so on the way to meet Pipocas I stopped by the girls’ apartment – woke them up! – and asked daisyfae if she was still okay about coming to the hospital just in case, as she had previously offered. She was, and so off we went.

And three hours later my whole life changed.

It kinda went like this. I thought I had a choice about either operating now or later, but it turned out that the very specialist surgical team that does the liver op stuff is way booked up (also it’s summer holidays) and so my only option now is to start chemo for a cycle or two (3-6 weeks) and then have surgery. The chemo will start on Monday.

Further questioning led to me asking about my REAL medical condition and prognosis. And I mean, a LOT of extra questioning. Yolanda wasn’t giving anything away but what finally came out was this. . .

  • that I’d had a very aggressive tumour that metastasized very quickly to my liver
  • that after liver surgery there will be a 50% chance of the cancer returning
  • that with chemotherapy this will be reduced to 45%
  • that once I finish chemo I will need to be tested every three months

Pretty scary stuff. Yet somehow I feel more ‘at home’ knowing where I stand. This is much better than going through the chemo and liver surgery and THEN being told the odds. Which aren’t particularly in my favour, are they? I was surprised at how little difference having chemo made.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel like giving up and dying. But I also don’t think that I can “fight cancer” by doing anything more than following the prescribed treatment and continuing to enjoy my life. It’s a very serious illness. I’ll either get better or I won’t. Dammit.