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Category Archives: health & happiness

well, this was unexpected

05 Monday Jul 2010

Posted by azahar in health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 28 Comments

Tags

hospitals, tachycardia

The last thing I expected to be doing this morning was hanging out at the hospital for six hours. So much for “only” three visits this month. But in fact, it all started about 25 years ago, back when I was living in Toronto.

I was at the gym and bent over to pick up my towel and my heart suddenly started racing like mad. Scared the hell out of me. And I was so scared two hours later when it hadn’t stopped that I ended up going to Emergency. Of course while I was in the waiting room my heart rate went back to normal. Since then I’ve had this happen on quite a regular basis, though I learned that if I lie down and pull my knees to my chest then the tachycardia stops. I’ve been to specialists, have had numerous EKGs, and once even wore a little “heartbeat recorder” for a couple of days, but nobody could discover why this happened to me. The usual trigger is me being overheated and/or bending over – it’s like flicking a switch. And it usually stops just as suddenly if I lie down.

Except last night it didn’t…

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too much fun?

02 Friday Jul 2010

Posted by azahar in change, food & drink, health & happiness, home, sevilla

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

sevilla, tapas, wine

So this is what I did last night…

… needless to say I missed my 8.30 yoga class this morning.

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permission to be happy

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, change, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, home, hope

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

cancer, happiness

Awhile ago on a particularly pleasant day I said to Nog, “I feel so happy that it scares me” … and we both laughed. Since then, and especially since my good news on Monday, I just can’t shake this happy feeling. I think it started when I found out I had to wait another two weeks until the PET scan and I decided to just enjoy the hell out of those two weeks and treat them as a “holiday from cancer”. In other words, I gave myself permission to be happy. And well, okay, I got pretty nervous the weekend before the scan, but now that I know I have at least six months before I have to face that particular dragon again, I am going ahead with extending this cancer holiday season until then. And damn it feels good. No, not suddenly like everything is all sunshine and butterflies, but a huge weight has been lifted and I feel like I can really breathe again. Like I can finally be myself.

Turns out I’m actually quite nice once you get to know me.  🙂

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lunch at manolo’s

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, death & dying, food & drink, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, restaurants, sevilla

≈ 21 Comments

Tags

cancer, PET scans

Manolo Leon’s restaurant/bar is about half-way between the hospital and my place. In fact, it’s right across the street from where Susan (aka Pipocas) used to live. And some of you may recall that it was where I went for the post prognosis party back in October 2008, when I was – mistakenly! – told that my cancer was untreatable and I had maybe a year to live. On that occasion Nog, Pablo and I splashed out on a gorgeously decadent lunch and later on met Susan for cocktails at a smart little bar across the street. So it seemed appropriate to stop off there on the way home from receiving my GOOD NEWS yesterday …
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scanxiety

28 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

cancer, PET scans

After ALL THAT WAITING it’s finally time for the next PET scan today. My appointment is for 8am, which is very good as it means I will be the first one in. Had one 3pm appointment last year and ended up having to wait two hours just to be put in the comfy chair to have the FDG injected (after that it’s about a 3-4 hour process). Also, it’s crap waiting all day at home to go for the test – much better to just get up and go in the morning and look forward to having that first coffee after the first scan has been done (they usually put me through twice, though last time it was three times).

I’ve had pretty bad scanxiety this time. I really don’t think I could cope with having to go on chemo again, though of course that’s not even the worst case scenario. I worry they might find tumours in untreatable places … the walking time bomb feeling  just doesn’t go away. And of course it gets worse as it gets closer to scan time. So I’ve pretty much been a nervous wreck this past month, though I’ve mostly been able to enjoy myself, especially these past couple of weeks. Until yesterday.

Gaelen, I know that your strong thoughts will be there with me.
Jed, make sure those wonder twin powers are fully activated, okay?

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