Category Archives: hope

mira la luna!

18 Sunday Sep 2011

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, change, home, hope

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Say hello to my beautiful girl. It’s so weird to think that a week ago getting a third cat was something I was considering – maybe! – for some time during the winter. Closed balcony doors, less chance of kitten dropping off balconies, etc. Though it had been on my mind for awhile to look for a playmate for Loki. And then I saw that poster last Monday…

Then after much back and forthing I made the Big Decision on Friday that I would take this kitteh, even though it means having to keep her “in quarantine” for a month until she can be retested for feline leukemia, as the test she had on Friday wasn’t “negative enough” for Yolanda to say with confidence that it’s safe for her to be in contact with Azar and Loki. But she has plenty of space to sleep and play, and she is never left alone for long. Plus Nog sleeps with her at night.

I picked her up yesterday after going out to get some proper kitten food and a small litter box. So she is set up quite nicely in Nog’s room with the cushion of my ex-comfy chair as a cat bed, her food and water dishes and a couple of toys. Litter box is out in the hallway. And she also seems to like the “safe hiding place” I left for her – the cat carrier with the door taken off – as well as crawling in behind the big square “reading pillow” on Nog’s bed.

[click on collages to enlarge]

The best part is that she is so affectionate and loves purring away on my lap. And she is also very playful. Yesterday afternoon I settled down to watch a film on tv after lunch and, since the boys were napping elsewhere, decided to risk bringing her out to sit with me. And she was happy as anything on my lap getting lots of snibbles. Azar came over after awhile and didn’t seem to notice her at all, but after the film was over I put her back in her room.

I’ve decided to call her Luna. It just sounds right and it’s a bit in memory of Lua, as she was also a very pretty girl and a siamese mix, and of course both names mean “moon”. I just hope Luna turns out to be less *ahem* cranky than dear old Lua was.

One thing’s for sure – Luna sure is photogenic.

the best bed…

02 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by in cats, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

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THIS is all I could think about while I was at the hospital. Being home again in my bed with my boys. So you can imagine my joy when I found out this morning that I could go home.

I was sure in an out in record time – from operating table to home again in less than three days! I think in part because there was a serious bed shortage and also because my doctor knows that I’m a veteran, this being my fourth major abdominal surgery there. So he could rest assured that I knew what to do and how to take care of myself. But I was also surprised at how quickly I bounced back, being up and about in less than a day after the operation. So perhaps I’ll be able to do that Gourmet Tapas Tour on September 10th after all!

But don’t worry. I plan on taking it very easy. When I got home this afternoon the first thing I did (after snibbling the cats) was take a long hot shower and wash the hospital off me. Then I had a bit of lunch and then I had a lovely three-hour siesta with the boys. This is a photo of my rather rumpled bed after getting up. And oh man! I just felt like the luckiest person in the world to be back here. Sure I’ve still got a lot of pain and it’ll be awhile before I’m back to normal, but I’m still determined – perhaps more than ever – to stick to all the changes I’d been deciding on just before this happened.

Well, time for a light snack and a DVD before hitting the hay again. And thanks again for being with me through all this – it really meant the world to me.

scanxiety!

22 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by in cancer, chemo, hope, hospitals

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It’s that time again … got a call from the hospital yesterday (while I was fretting about having to make this terrible decision) and was told my next PET scan would be on Monday at 8am. And then the scanxiety set in. I haven’t had it this bad since last year at this time. In fact it will be almost exactly a year, just one day off. Though of course I had my last PET in January.

I was nervous last time but, as I only had a couple of day’s notice, I didn’t have so much time to worry. This time it came as a surprise because I thought it wasn’t going to be until the end of July, and so now I suddenly have almost a whole week of sleepless nights ahead of me.

The other thing that makes it scarier this time is that since my last “all-clear” two very dear friends have had inoperable recurrences and have been given chemo as a last resort, and I worry that I’m next. As usual I am kicking myself for not having made all the healthy lifestyle changes I should have, as if daring the cancer to come back – how stupid was that? But of course there’s nothing I can do about that now to change Monday’s outcome.

I have so much planned for the summer now that work is finally picking up, and I so want to be able to do it all. In fact, I have a tapas tour on Monday evening. Wonder how I’ll manage to do that if I end up getting bad news. BUT… all of this is scariest in the wee hours as I lie awake and turn it all over and over again in my mind. Right now the sun is shining and there’s lots to do.

three years ago…

04 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by in cancer, change, chemo, death & dying, fitness, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

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May 4th 2008 was the last day I ever felt “healthy and normal”. The next morning I woke up with excrutiating abdominal pain and the rest, as they say, is history.

Three major operations and two bouts of chemo later, I am in remission and have been since September 2009, but of course the risk of recurrence is always there. This was seriously brought home to me when my friend Gaelen was recently diagnosed with new metastasis after three cancer-free years. Around the same time another friend – my power twin Jed – got sick again and is now facing a treatment-without-cure situation. It’s made it harder for me to go along in my usual state of semi-denial, which makes for a lot of sleepless nights and general emotional upheaval. But mostly I’m okay. Because, as far as I know, I’m still okay.

Anyhow, not trying to be a downer, but anniversaries are always a bit poignant in that “will it be my last??” kind of way. As I’ve said here before, perhaps if I’d made more of an effort to do all The Right Things I’d be feeling less, well, annoyed with myself right now. Every day I wake up determined to eat broccoli and forego wine and spend two hours at the gym, and then … it’s not that I can’t be bothered, but things are never simple and I’ve had lots of stress in other areas of my life and I can’t seem to get it all together at once. As if I have all the time in the world to get it right…

One thing I’ve learned these past three years is to be less judgemental about people who can’t seem to get it together. Well, except for me. Are you very hard on yourself, or are you able to just go with the flow?