Category Archives: hope

got the call!

18 Friday Oct 2024

Posted by in health, hope, hospitals, knee saga, knees

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got the call

Well today took a sudden turn! I had planned to go with Peter to see Nice GP because he does better with an interpreter and also because I wanted to ask her what the heck was going on with the “priority” request she made for me to see a traumatologist (made almost a month ago). Then early this morning my phone rang. At first I wasn’t going to answer it because it was an unknown number then I picked it up… and omg I’m so glad I did. It was the Traumatology Dept calling to say I have an appointment NEXT MONDAY. Like wow.

First thing I did was cancel Peter’s appointment. Okay, not really, I moved it to two weeks from now. Why? Well organising medical appointments has become both simpler and more difficult these days as the ease of being able to book some things online is thwarted by long waiting times. For example, the first appt Peter could get is in two weeks, which is fine because it’s nothing urgent, just getting his blood test results and checking his bp meds. And since I go with him the end of October works better for both of us as that’s when I need to ask the doc about my next blood test and also update my bp meds, so then we can do it all at once.

One less trip to the (maskless) health centre is always a good thing.  Especially as Peter was already there yesterday to get his Covid-Flu booster (yay!) and I should be getting mine next week. And now I also have this new appointment on Monday. At first I was worried I might get the same awful traumatologist as before but it’s at a different health centre, so hopefully not. Last time they asked me if I wanted my appointment at Fleming or Marqués de Paradas and I chose the latter as it’s five minutes from my house. I’m starting to think that was a big mistake as both the Evil Endo and Dismissive Traumatologist appts took place there. This time I wasn’t given a choice so fuck convenience. Fleming is about a 40 minute bus ride from my place, but the bus stop is on the corner so that’s okay (the trusty 32 bus, which we may be losing to make Sevilla more TOURIST FRIENDLY).

Anyhow, I feel like I only have this one shot left to get the help I actually need. So I will be arming myself with the entire timeline of THE KNEE(S) SAGA, which began back in May 2023 (though I’d been having knee issues for years, this was the first time it affected my ability to walk).

May 2023 – sudden acute pain in left knee which continued to get worse
July 2023 – X-ray both knees
July 2023 – GP request for MRI (had to plead, wasn’t taken seriously)
Sept 2023 – MRI on left knee (though by this time right knee pain was much more severe)
Oct 2023 – Emergency hospital visit for severe right knee pain, was told that as there is osteoarthritis in left knee then obviously it’s in the right one too (ER doctor looked at previous x-ray not MRI), said I did not have a Bakers cyst, refused to do any further testing – was sent home with a prescription for Nolatil, a drug banned in 20 countries.
Oct 2023 – Started using a cane, could no longer walk without it
April 2024 – Appt with Traumatologist who admits I have Bakers cysts behind both knees but won’t recommend physiotherapy and refuses my request for an MRI on the right knee, tells me to ride a bike, lose weight and prescribes more drugs
June 2024 – GP (a new one) requests an MRI on right knee
August 2024 – Unable to walk anymore without using crutches, pain unbearable, at best I can shuffle-walk
Sept 2024 – MRI on right knee
Sept 2024 – GP requests appt with Traumatologist (again)
Oct 2024 – I guess we’ll find out

Meanwhile I have not been able to work since July and, aside from the physical and emotional stress (I miss my life!), I am also under a lot of financial stress wondering how I am going to make ends meet. Especially as this doesn’t look like there’s a quick solution, even if I start getting proper treatment asap.

Anyhow! One step at a time, so to speak. At the moment it all hangs on the Monday appointment and whether I get a sympathetic and not-too-overworked doctor who actually wants to help me. Let’s hope so. I’m a bit annoyed with myself for not being a better patient advocate for myself all this time but sometimes it’s really hard to stand up for yourself when you’re in pain and being told nothing is really wrong and it’s all because you’re old and fat and otherwise being dismissed as not worth their time. But now I’m angry as fuck. And I really need Monday to work. Wish me luck.

staycation (almost over!)

12 Monday Aug 2024

Posted by in health, hope, sevilla, sevilla staycation, spain

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final stretch

So this is the home stretch, the final three weeks of my Staycation, which officially began on July 8th, so eight whole weeks in total (my next tours are booked for the first week in September). Although I could ill afford taking so much time off I chose to do it because 1) I needed a break, a serious “time out” to hopefully sort out what to do next and 2) I can barely walk anymore. I had a few vague plans and ideas, I had some hope…

And well, I can’t say I didn’t end up achieving any of my goals as most of them were so vague that it would be hard to know if they were achieved or not, but I do feel a bit disappointed that not much has changed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really enjoyed this time off, just being able to do WHATEVER when I got up in the morning. And I’m still doing the daily workouts. But as for the rest… I dunno. I’m not even very sure about what I thought might happen, though I did hope the time out would help give me some clarity. Nope.

Anyhow, three more weeks then back to work. That is IF I can walk. There are okay days and then some really not okay days. Like today. I tried walking down to the river and back (not far) and I was almost crying from the stabbing pain in my right knee. One good thing is that I got the appointment for my MRI… September 16th! So there’s a bit of hope. I may just develop a what-the-hell approach for these last three weeks, meaning just fuck it all and stop even thinking that I need to be accomplishing or improving or changing anything. Just be. Maybe I should have been doing this all along. How’s your summer going?

feeling a bit hopeful again…

24 Monday Jun 2024

Posted by in health, hope, hospitals, knee saga, knees

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hoping

You may recall that after the disastrous episodes with the Traumatologist and the Endo, and the ongoing issues with Heartless GP (who just keeps telling me I’m fat), I was feeling pretty let down and not sure what to do next in terms of my health concerns. Then I remembered I still had one more blood test available, so I booked that a couple of weeks ago and afterwards made an appointment to see my GP again to go over the results and hopefully to also see if I could get some actual help with my fucked up knee. Made the appt online and was surprised to see that I would be seeing a different GP and a glimmer of hope started to break through.

And so I went off to see New GP today. We talked over the blood test results and my medication. I told her I am only taking the BP meds because I’d had three different doctors tell me three different things about the other meds and she kind of smirked knowingly at that. So we took them one by one. My blood pressure is still a bit high but she said it was fine to stay on the present meds for now (she wants me to check in again in December at which point she’ll also order another blood test). Re: statins (for cholesterol) and metformin (sugar) she agreed with my oncologist that neither of these were necessary as I am kind of “borderline” and in fact my cholesterol has gone down a bit since October. I told her I had been making some diet changes and taking some supplements, and she seemed to think I was making good progress but that we will check it again in six months.

Then it was on to my knee. I told her the whole story and finally said that I really didn’t want to be living on painkillers, the only treatment so far offered to me, and I wondered if it would be possible to get an MRI for my right knee. I said to her maybe then they could figure out if there is any kind of physio or other treatment I could get because so far I felt like nobody has been helping me and the pain is so bad now that I can’t even climb stairs anymore. She immediately put in a request for an MRI and said I’d get a call telling me when the appointment would be. As for treatment she said that my best bet was probably going to be surgery but first things first.

And omg I almost cried. It’s been so long since a doctor has actually listened to me that I almost couldn’t believe it was happening. And she didn’t once mention my weight. I actually brought it up when we were talking about diet and cholesterol saying that of course I know I need to lose weight and she said I could try walking a bit more and cutting down on fats when cooking (this led to a chat about my air fryer) but she said the drop in cholesterol was a positive. In contrast Heartless GP, the Endo and Trauma Doc all made it seem like being fat was the reason EVERYTHING was happening to me. Not helpful.

And so there is a plan now. And I feel so very relieved. All I needed was a little support and now that I have it I feel like I can move forward with this. Getting my knees back would certainly help with getting back to my 10,000 step walks, meanwhile will keep on with my chair yoga/pilates and yeah, am also going to start tweaking the diet a bit more. Amazing what a little hope will do.

masks are back!

09 Tuesday Jan 2024

Posted by in coronavirus, covid, hope, sevilla, spain

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masks are back

As of Wednesday this week there is a return of the national mandate requiring the use of masks in all hospitals and health centres in Spain. THANK FUCKING GOD (or what/whoever). And about time. Though of course once governments make these decisions it’s always way past the time they were actually needed. Still I guess… better late than never?

We are still not being given accurate information about recent rampant global Covid and Flu infections and deaths, let alone any recognition of Long Covid sufferers. The WHO and other such organisations started “recommending” the use of masks a few weeks ago which of course was a red flag for people who aren’t running around living their “normal lives” as if the pandemic never happened. THE WHO KNEW THEN that a huge Covid wave was coming and… oh look there it is.

From mid-December I have cut my tours to a bare minimum and would have stopped totally but, you know, financial suicide. I’ve also cancelled the two short research trips planned in January while I was “off work”. Though if there was still a mask mandate on public transport I would have considered doing them.

It was honestly killing me the last few times I had to go to various hospital appointments during the past couple of months and NOBODY had a mask on, not even cancer patients waiting for treatment in the waiting room. AND NONE OF THE DOCTORS. I mean…

Sometimes I’m a bit nostalgic for those lockdown days when it felt like, for a brief moment, we actually cared about each other. But as soon as the governments told us we were free to go back to our normal lives people doubled down on being selfish and uncaring. It was the death of empathy. Well, hopefully it was “just” the beating to a pulp of empathy and she still may recover. At least I hope so.

hope 2025

03 Wednesday Jan 2024

Posted by in hope, sevilla

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hope 2025

Even though I got kicked out of the Cancer Club last month (after 15 years!) I think I still want to continue this annual message of hope from that first time in 2009 when I boldly posted my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it, after having been diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer mid-2008 and going through three major operations, one nasty bout of chemo and being told my chances of survival weren’t very good. But I made it to January 2009 and really hoped to make it to the next. Little did I know I was about to spend most of 2009 on chemo and recovering from a recurrence. But it turned out that I was still there in January 2010! And (so far) I’m still here now and hope to be here next January 3rd too. Watch this space. ❤️