Category Archives: hope

more no news is good news

25 Wednesday Jul 2018

Posted by in cancer, home, hope, hospitals

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After having my oncology appointment postponed a couple of times, I finally got in to see my doctor. And the news was kind of the same as the last time. The good news is that the inflamed area is a bit smaller than it was in March, so that seems hopeful. The “bad” news isn’t actually bad. But they still want to keep a watch on this, so another CT scan is scheduled for November, at which time they will probably also do another endoscopy. Meanwhile I am to get in touch if any of the scary symptoms return (abdominal pain, unexplained weight loss).

Anyhow, after leaving the hospital we stopped in at Las Teresas for a celebratory glass of cava with jamón. So until November… am really going to try to just get on with things, but it is difficult for me to just relax about all this. Still, very glad that it wasn’t actually bad news.

more suspense!

05 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by in hope, hospitals, sevilla, spain

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Aaaargh. So after wasting a morning of my life at the hospital two weeks ago (but getting a cool ride in a Jaguar!)  today’s oncology appointment was also postponed because the results weren’t signed in time. So now I have an appointment on July 12th… BUT… it turns out my oncologist is going to be away on holiday (!!) so I will end up seeing someone I don’t know and who doesn’t know me. I could put it off until August – and maybe I should? – but I would really like to know what’s going on. Meanwhile I have recklessly booked my summer trips thinking that if anything horrible had shown up on the last CT they would have called me in sooner. Anyhow, that’s me at the moment. Not too thrilled about things, and still quite nervous, but hoping for the best.

the jag

21 Thursday Jun 2018

Posted by in hope, hospitals, spain

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So this morning was THE BIG DAY. After several months of tests, including the original PET scan, then a colonoscopy, endoscopy, blood tests, a CT scan with another follow-up CT last week… I was finally going to get my results. To hopefully tell me what is going on with the mysterious “area of inflammation” they found during my last PET scan in February.

I won’t lie. I’ve been a bit of a mess about this since they started “investigating” this inflammation. I do my best to live in denial and just carry on with my life, but when it comes to stuff like booking a tapas tour a few months in advance, I am left wondering if I’ll actually be able to do it. Likewise with my summer plans. I’ve been putting everything on hold until I got the “go ahead”. Which was supposed to be today.

Except it wasn’t. I got to the hospital and after more than an hour in the hot and crowded waiting room, I was shown into the oncologist’s office… only to be told the CT scan results hadn’t been processed yet. WTF? My oncologist looked surprised and said – “oh, didn’t they call you yesterday?”. Well of course they hadn’t fucking called me yesterday, otherwise I wouldn’t have been there. Also, I wouldn’t have lost most of this week in a state of suspended emotion, not daring to feel or hope… JUST IN CASE. And so I sat there not believing this was happening. Then the doctor pulled a date out of the air – July 5th – to meet again, saying that FOR SURE the results will have been processed by then. Well, what choice do I have?

I walked out of the hospital feeling a whole whack of mixed emotions. In some ways I was relieved because “no news is good news”. Well, maybe. But I was also annoyed at having lost my entire morning, not just the 3 hours getting to and from the hospital, and waiting there, but really the whole day up until then. BUT… what saved the entire experience from total disaster was… my taxi! I always taxi to the hospital and then usually walk back, mostly because I am so stressed before going that a taxi is a comfortable and easy way of getting there.

Anyhow check it out. I got into the taxi, not paying much attention. Then I noticed the big JAGUAR logo on the dashboard screen. And so I stupidly said to the driver – THIS IS A JAGUAR??? Then I went all fan girl, saying how Jags were my favourite cars and that I couldn’t believe that I was in a Jaguar taxi. The driver informed me that not only was this was the only Jaguar taxi in Sevilla, it was the only one in Spain. WOW. I told him that I was going to the hospital for test results and that I took this as a positive sign, and also that it was so cool that I’d be arriving there in style. And bless him, he said he was sure this meant everything was going to be okay. Then he showed me a photo of his friend’s taxi – the only Maserati taxi in Spain. I’m telling you, this totally MADE MY DAY. Being driven to the hospital in a Jaguar XF.

Meanwhile, I now have two more weeks of hellish anxiety until the next oncology appointment. I wish I would have asked my driver for his card so I could always call him up when I have to go to the hospital…

après oncology

01 Thursday Feb 2018

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, hospitals, sevilla, sherry

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This morning I had an appointment with my new oncologist. After last week’s “good news bad news” situation following the PET scan I have to say I’ve been pretty stressed, with some days better than others. Say what you will, but after all my cancer history, the idea of a looming recurrence threat just became a lot more real to me. I try hard not to think about this too much, but sometimes it’s just too much.

Anyhow, today my lovely friend and colleague Cinta came with me to my appointment to act as “interpreter”, because when I get really nervous somehow my knowledge of Spanish totally flies out the window, and I wanted to be sure I didn’t miss anything important.

The good news is that both Cinta and I like the new oncologist. She was patient and had a gentle touch whilst poking around my belly. She was also patient as I tried to explain my situation in a more elaborate manner than she possibly required. Then she said that she was going to ask for both a colonoscopy and abdomen-thorax CAT scan, in order to find out what was causing the increase of inflammation seen in the PET scan, and also the extreme abdominal pain I’ve been having since November.

EXCEPT the weirdest thing has happened. After having had “travelling” abdominal pain for almost three months, sometimes so intense I couldn’t sleep and could barely walk… the day after the PET scan ALL THE PAIN DISAPPEARED. What?? I mean, seriously, it’s gone. Well okay, there are a few “tugs” here and there. But I no longer want to scream in agony when I roll over in bed or bend over to put on my shoes. The new onc is taking this as a positive sign, but the tests still need to be done. And I’m still scared.

Anyhow, after Cinta and I left the hospital and got a taxi back to the centre, it seemed like a good time to relax with a nicely chilled manzanilla, even though it wasn’t quite noon yet. Luckily this isn’t anything unusual in Sevilla.

good news, bad news…

25 Thursday Jan 2018

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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officially radioactive!

I’ve been having routine PET scans since I was first diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer (metastasis to liver) back in May 2008. At first they were every six months, but then once I became a member of the 5 Year Club they were reduced to once a year.  And every time I’ve been scared witless, fearing I’d hear the worst after my scan. I am very fortunate that my friend Isabel is the head of Nuclear Medicine at my hospital, so she always has a look at my scan while I’m there and gives me the results on the spot. She’ll call me into the PET area and say “all normal, nothing to worry about” and then send me on my way, not quite believing my good fortune.

But today after my scan Isabel called me into a private office and asked me to sit down.

And well, it’s kind of good news / bad news. The good news is that my liver is clean, no signs of anything nasty going on there. The bad (or potentially bad) news is that the “area of inflammation” that has been showing up on my PET scans since 2008 has increased dramatically. Over the years this area has been constantly shrinking, with each PET scan showing it a bit smaller and, as long as it kept shrinking, it was always considered a result of scar tissue. Today Isabel told me that it is back to the size it originally was back in 2008. And so now I will have to undergo more tests – CAT scan, ultrasound, colonoscopy – to (hopefully!) rule out cancer. In theory it could be an inflammatory infection, complications due to the adhesions, or any other number of non-cancer-related issues. Or it could be cancer. And so, Isabel has taken steps to get me an appointment with Oncology asap so they can start the extra testing.

I’m annoyed that they didn’t take me seriously at Emergency when I went there complaining about the abdominal pain back in November (exactly two months ago today). My GP also blew me off when I went to ask him about it afterwards, saying I just had gas and should take a pain killer. And even when I saw an oncologist at the beginning of January, she was totally dismissive about my complaints (you need to lose weight, I’m sure it’s just gas), and reluctantly booked my next PET scan.

The good thing is that now Isabel is setting the wheels in motion for me to get the appropriate extra testing done and, more importantly, to have me taken seriously by these other doctors. Meanwhile I am fluctuating between absolute terror and total denial. How’s your day going?