30 Friday Oct 2009
Just wanted to say thanks again to those of you who are continuing to send donations. As I am still struggling to find enough work, this has really been helping me out and is very much appreciated.
Also thanks to everyone who continues to visit here and keep me company, which provides much needed emotional support that really makes my day and helps me keep going.
Love you guys!
15 Thursday Oct 2009
Posted in home, hope, life stuff, work
… things suddenly seem to be going quite well.
Okay, maybe not everything, and maybe not as much as I might have hoped … but I’m really feeling good about things today. Have been following my heart of late and am amazed (though I shouldn’t be) at how much better life is when I do so…
01 Thursday Oct 2009
Posted in cancer, chemo, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff
I saw my oncologist yesterday and got the low-down on my situation. Well, sort of. Which is that I am on “wait and watch” until the next CT scan. I have another appointment with the onc in November … and that’s all I know. Oh, except that I have a hernia from one of my previous ops and might have to have another operation for that (??!). Seriously, I was just told this like it was nothing and was asked – “You mean the surgeons never rescheduled with you after your last appointment?” (in January). And no, they hadn’t. And then the onc suddenly told me I had to lose weight because of the hernia. Like duh. She never once mentioned this was important in terms of having cancer, which I believe it is. So I told her I was on the case, going to the gym every day and changing my diet …
20 Sunday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, family, friends, hope, life stuff, philosophy, video
A moving – and very real – short film. Very well done.
15 Tuesday Sep 2009
Posted in cancer, change, chemo, fitness, health & happiness, hope, life stuff
So I got the good news yesterday that my CT scan came back negative, which now buys me another three months, and hopefully more. Though I am still a bit concerned because my last CT scan in February also came back negative, and then when they did a PET scan in March they found new metastasis in my liver, and I went back on chemo in April, blah, blah, blah.
The thing is, I am pretty sure I won’t ever be able to make myself go back on chemo again, so these tests have become a different sort of “threat”. Not just that of finding more cancer, but of me not being able to do any more treatment. Sure, maybe I would change my mind if I was faced with yet another recurrence, but for now I just want to focus on the next three months and live them as much as I can.
You see, the doctors don’t expect to cure me. And so, like all people with Stage IV cancer, my best hope is that I will live long enough to see some new treatment developments that might prolong my life in a way that is bearable. For me, being on chemo is not bearable. It’s not living. And so I hope this remission is a long one. Fingers crossed!
casa azahar 