26 Sunday Jul 2009
Posted in health & happiness, home, life stuff
I find Sundays in Seville kind of sad somehow. All the shops are closed and the streets feel less alive. Though this summer I am grateful not to hear jackhammering and buzzsawing at 7am at least one day out of the week (construction on building next door). But I always feel a bit lost on a Sunday, like I don’t know what to do, where to go.
How about you? What do you like doing on Sundays?
14 Tuesday Jul 2009
Posted in change, friends, health & happiness, life stuff
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
~ Lewis B. Smedes
Mudhooks posted that quote on Twitter this morning and it really resonated. With my personal history of family violence and abuse as a child I am left with a lot of trust issues even after all these years, which is probably not surprising. And so I got to thinking about how crap I am at actually forgiving people. And then I wondered if forgiveness is always the best policy. I know that harbouring grudges does no good, but does one always have to forgive in order not to feel bitter or resentful about a past breach of trust? Does everyone actually deserve to be forgiven? Is it possible to truly forgive and forget?
What are your thoughts on forgiveness?
07 Tuesday Jul 2009
Posted in cancer, fitness, health & happiness, life stuff, philosophy, yoga
It’s a conspiracy I tell ya.
Ever since I made the decision to take time out to heal so many positive things have happened to me that I feel sure that I made the right decision. And the main recurrent theme has been remembering to breathe. First “Bob” sent me some good advice about yoga breathing and described a good one for me to practice that would help me focus on the present. And of course we do various breathing exercises in yoga class. Then the other day I read this lovely quote…
Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I smile.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
I’ve been doing that one a lot since then and it really feels good. And then today someone on Twitter linked to a blog called Zen Habits and this wonderful post called (you guessed it) Breathe. It’s as though all of a sudden the universe is intent on getting me to breathe properly. And also to work on personal growth stuff. I had a quick look at the archives on Zen Habits and think I will do quite a bit more reading there. I really like the simplicity of the posts.
01 Wednesday Jul 2009
I proclaim today as the beginning of my summer holidays!
Back when I mentioned my need to take some Time Out there were still several matters to attend to and get organised before I felt I could really relax and focus on taking some quality healing time. So most of June was spent “taking care of business” and getting through some pretty rough chemo. To wit, I have also decided that I’m done with the infusions and won’t be taking the sixth one. If they let me I’ll still do the sixth round of chemo mid-July, but only taking the dreaded Xeloda, which has a slightly less toxic effect on me. After the last infusion I got a very clear message from my body that it was DONE with that shit and really couldn’t take any more. And since my last PET scan was clear, I think I can take my body’s advice on that.
So for the next two months it’s going to be all about healing, yoga, long walks, healthy diet, cats, friends and – most importantly – taking time to breathe. I also have a few projects to work on, but just poco á poco when I feel up to it. And Nog & I want to get casa az de-cluttered and set up so we can both work here in comfort come September.
What will you be doing this summer?
14 Sunday Jun 2009
Posted in cancer, change, food & drink, friends, health & happiness, home, hope, life stuff, love, philosophy, photos, tapas
(click on pic to enlarge)
On this week’s A Day at the Hospital post I told you that something wonderful had happened and that Nog and I went out to celebrate. Later I told you the reason for celebrating, but I never told you what we did. By the time we left the hospital that day it was almost 2 o’clock and, since I knew I had some extra cash, I decided it was high time I treated Nog to a tapa snack as he has been treating me since I got sick and haven’t been able to work.
And so we took the bus over to Becerrita and had a lovely tapa lunch. Calamares, lamb in honey sauce, potato croquettes and pork tenderloin with wild mushrooms. Then a nice walk home while I thought about the email I was going to send “Bob” that evening.
To be honest, every day has been a celebration since I was given the amazingly fabulous gift of a month to heal. It’s really changed my life and I am suddenly appreciating all the “little things” so much more. I guess I’d been feeling kind of hopeless and at the end of my rope, and so being given this chance to do things the way I feel I need to in order to get better ended up starting a whole series of positive changes. Still taking baby steps, but doing a little every day.
Having hope again is a wonderful thing.
casa azahar 