feeling okay now…

16 Wednesday Apr 2025

Posted by in friends, health & happiness, hope, sevilla, tapas bars

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​I started off the day more or less okay, though with less sleep than I’d hoped for, and also waking up with a black cloud of “let’s beat up Shawn” hanging over me for not being all I’d hoped to be over the past few days. Without going into details, just a lot of the usual letting myself down stuff and deciding I’m a shit person for always letting myself down… ufff… it was hard to get up.

But I got up! Because Morcilla was looking a bit perkier and I had to prepare her special breakfast of Hill’s ID Prescription Diet, and also dole out a bit for Luna (or I’d never hear the end of it). So a spoonful of this apparently delicious paté for Luna on top of her bics and a fresh bowl of it for Morcilla. Both cats happy.

Then I got on the ol’ laptop, coffee in hand, and started on the usual online stuff. At some point I thought to tell my downstairs neighbour that Morcilla was feeling better and… well fuck me. I got back a pleasant response re: Morcilla but then it was like getting stuck in a time warp of weird.

My neighbour is 80-something as far as I know. She has no family to speak of, so she’s mostly on her own. After I first moved in – summer 2017 – we met up for lunch at a local bar and everything seemed fine. But then things went weird and suddenly I was being accused of being a BAD PERSON and all kinds of other WTF nastiness… all of this happening when I happened to pass her in the entrance. She would literally scream this in my face. And so I backed away…

Over the years there have been goodish and bad times with the neighbour. By goodish I mean she would sometimes stop screaming at me whenever we happened to cross paths. It seems my major crime is that I am not being a Good Neighbour, in that I don’t invite her up for coffee and a chat, that we aren’t always in contact, that (her words) SHE FEELS MORE ALONE WITH ME AS A NEIGHBOUR THAN IF I WASN’T THERE AT ALL.

I mean, fuck. We are in touch on WhatsApp, I am there for her if she actually needs anything, she knows she can call. For example, when she was recently very sick with “a cold” she asked if I had a Covid test at home and could I show her how to use it. So of course I popped down with the test, got it done, it was negative. No problem. But today I was apparently someone who would be better if they didn’t exist. Her words.

Now I know these are the words of a cranky old woman who lives a alone and is in a lot of daily chronic pain and so of course I shouldn’t take this personally. Except I do because they mirror the words I use against myself ALL THE TIME. Without realising it (I think?) she is reinforcing every awful thing I ever think about myself and I end up with that hard knot of anxiety in my belly because of course I’m awful otherwise why else would people keep saying so?

Then I went out with flatmate Peter to have a cold beer and a couple of tapas… just to get out of the house today before the Semana Santa crowds took over. Stopped in at Taberna Zurbarán and – oops! – like many bars during Semana Santa they had removed all chairs and bar stools because of the crowds. 

But when they saw me with my crutches at the end of the bar one of the guys magicked a bar stool for me, saying “don’t tell anybody!” and then other bar staff – totally run off their feet – stopped in their tracks when they saw me and it was all “Hey Shawn, so great to see you!” and then the owner of the bar came over with a tapa on the house (that gorgeous tortilla up there), just because. And then suddenly I felt like, hey I can’t be such a horrible person, otherwise all of these lovely people wouldn’t be so lovely to me. And just like that… my day changed.

People get this notion of me being something I’m not, or rather, they take one part of what they perceive to be me and then blow it all out of proportion to suit their opinion. As if I am only just one thing. But one thing I have learned over the years is that if anyone tells me I “intimidate” them (and this happens a lot!) I basically head for the hills because I already know they’re not seeing me as me and nothing good can come from that bullshit.

BUT… today some lovely people at one of my favourite tapas bars made me feel welcome and special, simply because we know that we just like and appreciate each other. Nothing other than that. Because nothing else matters.

morcilla on the mend

15 Tuesday Apr 2025

Posted by in casa azahar, cats

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At least I hope so! Yesterday morning (after having changed my sheets for fresh sun-dried ones the night before) I got out of bed to go to the loo and returned to find vomit all over those lovely sheets. At first I was sure it was Luna because she’s always throwing up. And Morcilla was as I had left her, curled up on the duvet. So cursing Luna the barf machine, I set about rewashing the bottom sheet and pillow cases hoping I could get them dry by that evening, getting them back up on the line before having to leave for my cardiologist appointment. And well, mission accomplished.

But later on, early evening, Morcilla was suddenly vomiting everywhere. Dammit. So I took away the food dishes, left out the water for both cats, and started to worry. Then I remembered that this same thing had happened to Morcilla about a year previously and, after a chat with Sonia the Vet we decided to leave her to fast for a day, then start her on Hill’s ID Prescription soft food for a few days. And so that’s what I’m doing now.

Morcilla went about 24 hours without food, and this morning she was still vomiting, though nothing came up but liquidy foam. Picked up the soft food this afternoon and upon arriving home saw that Morcilla was already looking perkier. And she was hungry! This pic is after she’d had quite a good chow down and now she is looking much happier. So fingers crossed it was just a… whatever! And that she is on the mend.

la línea 3

14 Monday Apr 2025

Posted by in casa azahar, health, health & happiness, hospitals, my barrio, sevilla, spain

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One of the many – out of MANY MANY MANY – reasons I love living where I do is how well connected I am by public transport in my barrio. And especially since getting my old geezer free bus pass, in combination with THE KNEE mobility issues, I can just hop on hop off taking buses for one or two stops… and trust me sometimes that makes all the difference.

Anyhow, today I had an appointment with the cardiologist at the ridiculously beautiful but otherwise not especially efficient Hospital Duque del Infantado. Get this. I saw my GP on March 17th and within a couple of weeks had received dates for two specialists appointments – Cardio and an MRI for my neck and shoulder. In fact, I had to move the MRI forward because I still had that pesky cough from when I was sick a couple of weeks ago. Meanwhile I am STILL WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT THE KNEE SPECIALIST APPT THAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE OCTOBER. Fuck.

In the past, just like when I go to Hospital Virgen del Rocío, I’ve always just grabbed a taxi at the end of my street in front of the posh Gran Meliá Hotel Colón (always lots of taxis there). Six to eight euros well spent, I reckoned. But this week is Semana Santa, which means the Bastard Taxi Pirates are out for anything they can get. Yes, there is an official Semana Santa surcharge, but I just didn’t want to have to go through the hassle of all that. And so I checked the bus routes and saw… OMG… I could catch the updated Línea 3 not far from home and get dropped off about five minutes from the hospital. FOR FREE.

And it’s a good thing I discovered this as I now have an appointment there on April 28th to get a 24-hour Holter, and that is also where I will see the knee surgeon WHENEVER THAT HAPPENS. It’s actually one of the two specialist hospitals I end up at most. The other one, Clínica Fleming, is also accessible by bus. For now. It’s this time of year that I start to worry about whether my landlord is going to renew my contract in the summer, and I will now be on tenterhooks until July. But for now… just loving living here.