19 Thursday Nov 2020
Posted in coronavirus, covid
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A twitter pal of mine posted this today. No comment necessary really, other to say that most people aren’t even ISOLATING anymore, not like we did in the first few months. They just can’t go to the gym, the pub or go home for Christmas (blah blah blah). And they are still whinging and whining.
13 Friday Nov 2020
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Those of you who know me also know that there are probably not many other people you know who LOVE the Christmas season as much as I do. This isn’t because of all the happy memories of Christmases past… in fact it’s the opposite. It’s because I never had any nice Christmas memories growing up, so when I left home at the ripe old age of 15 I decided to start making my own traditions. And Christmas became MY THING. And OMG I love it, not as a religious holiday but kind of based on the concept of the birth of Jesus being a metaphor for the birth of compassion in the world. Not a GOD, but just a person like us. So I always made sure to make a big fuss over everything about celebrating the birth of compassion, and yeah, also love the lights, the songs, the movies, the everything. Don’t care too much about gifts, but again, that is another expression of appreciating the people we love, and letting them know, so that’s cool too.
Thing is, this year is different. Really different. We have constantly seen catastrophes happening around us because people will JUST NOT LET GO of the idea that they can’t do things like they have always done. First it was that they NEEDED their summer holidays (who the fuck travels abroad ON HOLIDAY during a global pandemic??) and as a result of people not staying put we are experiencing a killer second wave of this fucking virus. And don’t even get me started on non-maskers and “herd immunity” assholes and people who have still had big weddings, birthdays, etc. Anyhow, now it’s coming up to Christmas and my Twitter feed is full of people talking about getting home for the holidays and I am like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??
Have people learned NOTHING?? Here we are in Spain not allowed to travel outside our own municipalities, with a curfew from 10pm to 7am, and yet they are still allowing tourists in and out?? This also goes for people who live here and have family elsewhere (or vice versa), somehow thinking that their family gathering is worth more than the safety and lives of others, that THEIR situation is the exception. This is the exact opposite of what Christmas should be about because this isn’t about giving or sharing or caring, it’s about selfish personal desire, and then just doing what you want at the possibly horrific expense of others. Honestly, I despair.
26 Monday Oct 2020
Posted in casa azahar, coronavirus, covid, home, hope, sevilla, spain
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I remember when I used to like Mondays because l loved my job, enjoyed my life. I always loved that “fresh new week” feeling, so full of possibilities. But now Monday is just a reminder that another week has passed without work or friends or plans. I mean I need a plan at least, in order to have some hope again.
And okay, l do have some plans, but not any l can move forward with at the moment (so l need new plans). And l have friends, but l can’t see them, or when l do, l can’t hug them. And the financial stress situation doesn’t allow me the luxury of boredom. Anyhow, I’ve never been good at being bored. So I am in a constant state of WHAT TO DO NEXT?? without being able to do much. Other than try to come up with a plan.
Thing about making plans is that, when you’re out and about in the world meeting people and doing things, other stuff often happens as a result, and inspiration or luck can be around the next corner. Trust me, I now know every corner of this apartment better than I ever wanted to and… nada. There’s nothing waiting around any of them.
Anyhow, I’m sure if it was Tuesday l wouldn’t be feeling like this. 😉
I just miss my old Mondays, which then reminds me how much I’m missing everything else. And learning yesterday that we’ll be in lockdown now until May… ufff.
Today was also a turning point when I learned that a friend of mine in Sevilla has Covid. Symptoms and all. It’s the first time someone I actually know has come down with the virus. Until now it’s been someone’s friend, family member or co-worker. But this is my friend. Someone I love very much. And so now it’s personal, Covid. Fuck you. And also fuck every anti-masker and idiotic herd immunity whack job, because you are why things have gone this far, and for so long. I despise you all.
How’s your Monday going?
22 Thursday Oct 2020
Posted in coronavirus, covid, restaurants, sevilla, tapas, tapas bars
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Sevilla, along with Córdoba and Jaén, is getting hit with the same new restrictions that Madrid and Granada had imposed on them a couple of weeks ago. The measures will come into effect this Sunday, once they are published in the Official Gazette of the Junta de Andalucía. This rant post is mostly about how it’s going to affect the hospitality industry here.
Among the new measures announced by the Minister of Health…
24 Thursday Sep 2020
Posted in casa azahar, coronavirus, home, sevilla
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This is the awning over the lovely light-filled patio I share with my downstairs neighbour. Usually I leave it up to her whether to close it or not, since I would always leave it open (love the light) but I also understand that during the hot summer months it’s better to pull the awning closed at midday. So I was doing just that (while my neighbour was away on holiday in August) when I noticed that the cords on the pulleys were starting to unravel. And so of course I have turned it into a METAPHOR OF MY LIFE. 😉
Don’t get me wrong (and please don’t start worrying)… because this is kind of how I always feel anyhow. The pandemic has just, in a way, given me a REASON to feel this way. It’s like now I have an excuse!
Except of course it’s neither that easy nor simple (or funny!) since I now have extra things to actually worry about, like how I am going to make a living, pay my rent, etc and generally support myself. To be honest? I see no way out. To be equally honest? That’s never stopped me before.
If you’re anything like me you’ve also been riding the ol’ hope-and-dread roller coaster since March. I think all things considered I’m doing okay (you don’t have to agree). I still get up up every morning, for starters. But this week has been weird. It’s not like I’ve given up or anything, but I just can’t make myself go out. And I LOVE going out. For my river walks, to stop in at bars for a beer and say hello to my friends there, to do a little shopping. I love all that shit. But now it’s Thursday and I haven’t been outside since Monday afternoon. Weird.
So it feels a bit like I’m unravelling. The core things that have been keeping me going are still there, but the protective covering, like on that awning cord, has been breaking down. It leaves me feeling particularly vulnerable. And afraid. But tomorrow I am definitely shoving myself out the front door no matter what. It’s a plan. But I am also totally fine with having taken a few “days off” (whatever that means any more).
Years ago when I was writing all about my cancer stuff here I got so many responses from other people with cancer who said I helped put into words how they were feeling. That kind of blew me away, because I really don’t know why anyone follows this silly day-to-day blog. ANYHOW… that’s why I’m talking about the ups and downs re: fucking covid. I’m not asking anyone for help, or to make me feel better, I’m just saying how I feel, talking about what I’m going through. And so if there’s even one other person who takes solace in not feeling alone by reading this, then okay. It was worth it.
PS There is ALWAYS tomorrow
casa azahar 