Tag Archives: health

on dreaming

24 Wednesday Aug 2022

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dreaming

This morning I woke up after a strange but not overly disturbing dream and thought, well, that one wasn’t so bad. Then it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a happy dream. Or even if I’d ever had one. My sleep tends to be either dreamless or else fraught with anxiety dreams (or worse), many with recurring themes, and so I wake up either (preferred) drifting out of a dark sleepy fog or (more often) jolted awake, awash with deep seeded panic and dread. And don’t even get me started on some of the haunting images that sometimes take all day to shake off. And so I wondered… are happy dreams a myth? Does anyone have happy dreams any more? Did we ever? How about you?

ouch (again)

17 Wednesday Aug 2022

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ouch - again

Yes, it’s back, dammit. My old nemesis Heretofore Unidentified Abdominal Pain. Started on Sunday-Monday and has been getting progressively worse, though still not as bad as the previous episode (a quick search here tells me it was in October 2019 – you see, this blog does have its uses sometimes). Same place as always, starting in the “dodgy area” they keep CT scanning every six months (see lightning bolts) and radiating down to my hip bone. And now it’s getting to the point where it hurts when I breathe (and I can hardly stop doing that!) so I’m going to get in touch with oncology. I have a pending appointment with them but was waiting until I get the last blood test results to confirm it. Meanwhile… well, nothing. Just carrying on.

lemony sunrise

12 Friday Aug 2022

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lemony sunrise

Had to get up at stupid o’clock for blood tests (had booked an 8.15 appointment at my health centre without thinking, duh). Anyhow, was out and about trying to find a positive slant on having to be out and about at that hour and then saw this lovely lemony sunrise and thought, yep, that’ll do. 🙂

Should have actually done this back in June after my last CT scan but when I saw the results were normal(ish) I reckoned there was no rush. This is one good new thing, that I can get my test results online now and don’t have to wait to see the oncologist. Then I get the blood tests done and, once those results are in, I send an email to the oncology department requesting a follow-up appointment. The last couple of times they have been phone appointments, which is fine by me. So unless I’ve missed something scary in my scan results, or there’s something dodgy with the blood tests, it will probably carry on like before with another CT scan six months from the last one. We shall see.

srsly wtaf

06 Monday Jun 2022

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srsly wtf

You’d think that after 14 YEARS of being poked and prodded, sliced and diced, zapped and infused, that I’d be a bit more sanguine about shit like this. Well APPARENTLY NOT. In fact, today both humiliated and infuriated me in equal measure. Had my umpteenth CT scan scheduled for this afternoon and so I got up early so I could at least have a coffee and a yoghurt before I had to start the pre-scan fast. I used to always have them in the mornings, which was way easier for the fasting bit, but I understand they try to keep the morning appointments open for hospital patients, same with chemo and oncology appointments. So anyhow, fine. This was maybe my 4th or 5th late afternoon CT appt (5.30 pm) and I know the drill by now.

Showed up in plenty of time, got shown to the room, was told to take off my bra and anything else with metal and then was ACTUALLY SCOLDED by one of the (what?) technicians, nurses, whatever because I hadn’t noticed my blouse had a couple of metal bits attached to it. WHAT HAVEN’T YOU EVER HAD A CT SCAN BEFORE??? she barked before the three of them acted like it was the end of the fucking world to find me a disposable papery garment. They fucking shamed me. So already not off to a good start.
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