Tag Archives: hope

hope 2016

03 Saturday Jan 2015

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hope_2016

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started back on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. I had finished a second stint on chemo just a few months previously and hoping felt like a very bold thing to do. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and – as always – hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to turn the page and see this next year.

This year is especially meaningful because in October I joined the “5 Year Club” marking five cancer-free years. But I know better than to assume anything and I feel just as tentative writing this as ever. But hey, it’s good to have hope.

hugz

05 Wednesday Nov 2014

Posted by in cancer, friends

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hugz
I recently found out that a friend of mine has breast cancer. Yes, she is scared. And dealing with the situation as best she can, with the support of family and (some) friends. It’s brought me back to remembering how it was for me when I was first diagnosed. I had no idea how to feel, felt quite lost at sea. On a dark and stormy night. And now I’m okay. For now. And she isn’t. Yet. Treatment has yet to be determined – the goddam waiting is hell for her, and I know how that is. I also know that – for now – all I can do is be here for her, not be afraid of her fears, not feel any need to “make her feel better” and let her feel okay about sharing whatever she wants or needs to. Oh, and send virtual hugs. This is for you, A. xx

5 year celebration

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by in cancer, change, friends, hope, tapas

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celebration (1)Celebrating 5 years of being cancer-free with Peter, Kyran & Claire.

celebration (2)First stop La Azotea…

celebration (3)Then we went to La Pepona…

It is still slowly sinking in. And in some ways it’s as much as an adjustment as when I did this in reverse. Except I hope this new feeling doesn’t ever go away – that feeling like it’s Christmas when I wake up in the morning.

the 5 year club

28 Tuesday Oct 2014

Posted by in cancer, change, friends, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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pet tac

Today marked a very important milestone for me. I had my “5th anniversary” PET scan – which came back clear! – marking five cancer-free years (I finished my last chemo at the end of July 2009). I almost couldn’t believe it when Pilar texted me while I was out having coffee, saying that everything was okay. In fact, I burst into tears. This one is a game-changer. I won’t know exactly what they have in store for me now until I see the oncologist again next month, but today should be the last of the every-six-month PET scans (will switch to either once a year or possible every 10 months) and I will finally be able to get the chemo port out. That last one will be a relief and I won’t have to make my monthly visit to the hospital to get the thing cleaned out. So it’s all good.  I mean, I’m not “out of the woods” yet. The 5-year mark is kind of random and my case is more baffling than anything. Most stage-IV people don’t stay in remission for this long. But hey, I’ve made it this far and at least for now I am fine, so it really does feel like a fresh start.

As always I want to thank my amazing Nuclear Medicine team – Pilar and Isabel (Ricardo retired last year) – and also all of you for being there with me through all of this. You can all take the next year off.  😉

A side note: October 28th is the saint day of Santo Judas Tadeo (Jude the Apostle) patron saint of lost causes. Coincidence?

watery windows

23 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

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water windows
The windows in the oncology waiting room are the one source of beauty there. I had to go see my oncologist to set up my next PET scan and was surprised to find out she wasn’t back yet. In fact, I haven’t seen her for about a year, but put that down to her being out of town or otherwise busy whenever my routine check-ups came around. Since I get my PET scan results in the same day as the test I don’t need that follow-up appointment afterwards.

Well, not only did I find out that Dr Ana wasn’t there, but I was also told she might not be coming back. Turns out she had cancer (!!!) and although she seems to be physically recovered now it looks like she isn’t psychologically well enough to resume her duties. So I had a chat with the new guy and was impressed that he’d read my file and seemed to know my whole story. I told him that both Dr Ana and Ricardo had recommended I do the PET scans every six months for 5 years (after finishing my last chemo) and this guy agreed that this was a good thing to do. Though he did surprise me – when I suggested I might also get the chemo port removed – by saying I could have had it taken out ages ago. When I asked him the obvious, he said if the cancer comes back they’d just put in another one. Well!

So I am now waiting to find out when the next PET scan will be. If all goes well I should be getting the port out soon and will be able to stop living within six-month segments of time. Meanwhile, I keep on working and playing as best I can.