Category Archives: cats

back to málaga…

17 Monday Sep 2012

Posted by in 20th anniversary, cats, Malaga, travel, trips

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Tomorrow Peter and I are heading off to Málaga for a few days. Well, Peter will come back on Thursday to do a tapas tour and I’ll stay on until Friday because I want to meet up with some Twitter friends who won’t be in town until Thursday. As usual we’ll be staying at Manolo’s fabulous apartment. You may remember that I postponed my Málaga trip in August because I couldn’t leave Azar, even with Peter staying at home with him. Now we can go together (next door neighbour Colm will be checking in on the young’uns) and it will be the first time in 17 years that I’ve ever gone anywhere without fretting about Azar. Even when he was young and in good health he was always so hard to leave, even just overnight, because I knew how much it upset him. It’s going to feel strange and sad, not fretting.

Anyhow, since everything is still so painful here, and this week is the only time until mid-October that I’ve got three free days in a row, I thought I should take the opportunity to get away. There are a couple of museums in Málaga I still haven’t visited as well as lots of places to revisit. The renovated wharf area should now be fully opened up and of course I will be dipping my toes in the Mediterranean.

But the first thing (a new “tradition” we started last visit), after unpacking and settling in, will be to go up to the Gibralfaro Parador Hotel and have a drink on their terraza while taking in the fabulous view (see pic). And then just enjoy a couple of days in my second favourite Spanish city. Well, as long as there isn’t another train strike, like today’s…

the orange tree

13 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, love

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At the moment I am looking for signs of happiness anywhere I can find them. And when I went upstairs today to water the terraza plants it struck me just how much Pat’s tree has grown in the past two months. Just check out the difference! My little naranjo is getting quite lush.

For a crazy moment yesterday I considered burying Azar under the orange tree but then realised that store-bought soil with nothing living in it to help with decomposition would end up quite icky. I guess I just liked the idea of him fertilising our tree.

I have been trying to forgive myself for all the things I should have done, and even more for the things I shouldn’t have done (why did I go out the night he ended up dying??) and have come to a conclusion. I’m human. And in spite of the mistakes I made, I also gave Azar a fabulous life and all the nasty stuff at the end doesn’t negate any of that. Because in the end, death is never pretty.

Now if I can actually believe that, and stop beating myself up, then I can get on with remembering all the wonderful years, and the total wonderfulness that was a little black street cat called Azar. I’m keeping as busy as I can right now, because every time I look around and see that he isn’t here – where he should be – I start to cry.

The love of my life…

[ps… I’m not expecting any of you to tell me all over again how I was there for Azar – you’ve already done that. It’s just that now I have to believe it myself and so I’m  just talking about how I feel and hoping that I can start moving forward without feeling sad and guilty about all the things I could’ve/should’ve done]

enjoying a sunbeam

11 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, home, hope

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Here is the best cat in the world enjoying a sunbeam this morning. To be honest, I thought Azar wasn’t going to still be alive when I woke up today (not that I slept much!). In fact, the past two nights I’ve barely slept because he’s been tossing and turning and sometimes crying out, totally breaking my heart. I would have taken him to the vet’s yesterday but I had my own hospital day, plus a tapas tour in the evening. So today I brought him in to see Eva just to get another opinion on whether it was time to let Azar go, though when I saw him looking so content in that sunbeam I hoped there was still more I could do.

Well, the sad thing is that Eva does think that Azar is probably on his way out. Since the trauma of his exploding tumour, about ten days ago, he’s stopped eating on his own and has to be fed using a syringe. And then on Sunday he stopped drinking on his own, which was the thing he always used to do no matter what. Eva said cats with kidney problems go through a lot of low periods, but then rally again. The thing that’s hard to know now is whether this is a low time because of the whole tumour thing, which has left his only good front leg too weak to walk on, not to mention the pain involved, or whether he’s just had enough.

The good thing about taking him in this morning is that I now have a time-frame and treatment regimen to work with. I still need to keep changing the bandages 2-3 times a day – the wound is almost completely healed, which Eva still can’t believe – and I was told to keep feeding him the same amount of food I’ve been giving him (was very glad to hear I’d been giving him the right amount!). Now I also have to start giving him 20 mls of water a day, in 5 ml doses. If I do all that and by Friday there is no improvement then it will be time to say goodbye.

I did wonder if it was time to say goodbye this morning, until I saw him in the sunbeam and thought “not just yet”.