Category Archives: death & dying

enjoying a sunbeam

11 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, home, hope

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Here is the best cat in the world enjoying a sunbeam this morning. To be honest, I thought Azar wasn’t going to still be alive when I woke up today (not that I slept much!). In fact, the past two nights I’ve barely slept because he’s been tossing and turning and sometimes crying out, totally breaking my heart. I would have taken him to the vet’s yesterday but I had my own hospital day, plus a tapas tour in the evening. So today I brought him in to see Eva just to get another opinion on whether it was time to let Azar go, though when I saw him looking so content in that sunbeam I hoped there was still more I could do.

Well, the sad thing is that Eva does think that Azar is probably on his way out. Since the trauma of his exploding tumour, about ten days ago, he’s stopped eating on his own and has to be fed using a syringe. And then on Sunday he stopped drinking on his own, which was the thing he always used to do no matter what. Eva said cats with kidney problems go through a lot of low periods, but then rally again. The thing that’s hard to know now is whether this is a low time because of the whole tumour thing, which has left his only good front leg too weak to walk on, not to mention the pain involved, or whether he’s just had enough.

The good thing about taking him in this morning is that I now have a time-frame and treatment regimen to work with. I still need to keep changing the bandages 2-3 times a day – the wound is almost completely healed, which Eva still can’t believe – and I was told to keep feeding him the same amount of food I’ve been giving him (was very glad to hear I’d been giving him the right amount!). Now I also have to start giving him 20 mls of water a day, in 5 ml doses. If I do all that and by Friday there is no improvement then it will be time to say goodbye.

I did wonder if it was time to say goodbye this morning, until I saw him in the sunbeam and thought “not just yet”.

lumpy

01 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, health & happiness

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[click to enlarge]

What’s so weird is that on Thursday afternoon (the day before the tumour burst!) I’d sent these two photos by email to Sledpress to show her just how damn BIG the thing had become, and express my worry about it. Then yesterday – blam! You can read the gory details here.

Since then Azar has been looking much perkier. The best thing being that he has regained the use of his one good front leg and can comfortably sit up again and even walk around much easier. I’m not exaggerating when I say the lump was the size of a baseball – poor Azar couldn’t even straighten out his leg anymore and was in a permanent crouched position. The reason he was sometimes peeing on the sofa was that, once there, he didn’t want to have to jump down to get to the box because it hurt too much. I had started carrying him to the box at regular intervals but couldn’t always be there, but when he was left overnight this week he had no problem as he stayed on a blanket under my bed with the litter box nearby.

The wound still looks messy, but Azar is a good healer. And he so intensely loves being alive. I am starting to wonder if his tumour is even malignant, because something that big should have killed him by now if it was. Could it just be a nasty cyst? Anyhow, he has been snatched back from the brink and is now happily snoozing away. I’ll be taking him to the vet’s this morning because I think the wound needs to be properly dressed and he may need to take antibiotics to stave off infection.

One thing is for sure. If this had happened while I was away in Córdoba, or even just away for the afternoon, he probably would have died. He was in such a panic and hyperventilating that without me there to clean him up and calm him down I don’t think he’d still be here. So lucky! But hey, that’s his name. Azar.

calmosedan

09 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, love

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Bought some of this today…

I was hoping to get something I could inject but was told that wouldn’t be legal. I can see that. But apparently if I give Azar two of these “when his time comes” then he’ll be so drowsy that he won’t know he’s on his way to the vet’s.

I also bought some wet food hoping that might pique his interest a bit. And then picked up some asparagus on the way home.

Now I’m going to bed early because these days that’s the only time Azar will come out from under the bed. When he knows I’m there lying down and ready to give him a cuddle just how he likes it. He also lets me feed him in bed. Little weirdo. Well, whatever it takes. Even getting up for 3am feedings.

Because it’s not quite his time yet.

happy mondays

16 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by in cancer, death & dying, friends, life stuff, love

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Awhile ago I created a #happymondays Twitter hashtag to greet people with on Monday mornings, since so many people seem to really hate Mondays. But not me. I always see Monday as a fresh start to a new week full of possibilities. I reckon it’s probably 50/50 the number of people I either annoy or cheer up with my whole Happy Monday thing, but what the heck, it’s fun.

Then this morning I woke up and, as usual, had a look through my emails on the iPhone while still in bed. And I got the news I’ve been dreading for some time now, though it still hit me like a ton of bricks, that my friend Pat is in hospital and “fading fast”, heavily sedated due to being in so much pain. In a flash I went from not wanting to lose her to wishing she would let go soon so that she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. And then I decided I would have a Happy Monday anyhow, or as much as I could manage through my tears, because I knew Pat would like that. Going out for a walk now…

How’s your Monday been so far?