Category Archives: health & happiness

back to the gym!

03 Wednesday Feb 2016

Posted by in gym, health & happiness

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cuesta sport

I can’t believe it’s been four months (!!!) since my left knee gave out (followed by my spectacular fall up the stairs) and I had to stop going to the gym. Thanks to Sled, I was able to start doing some trigger point therapy, which helped a lot. In fact, I probably could have gone back to the gym a month ago, but with the end of the holidays, my birthday stuff, etc, I probably would’ve missed two weeks anyhow. So this is a photo of my gym that I swiped from their website. Those are the bikes I ride (for a whole hour!) and that’s one of the machines I use (left hand corner). It actually feels great to be back. For now, three days a week.

ct vs pet

12 Thursday Nov 2015

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals

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ct vs petToday I had to go see my new oncologist. Which wasn’t nerve-wracking as I had already got the ALL CLEAR good news results just after my most recent PET scan a couple of weeks ago. Some of you may recall that a few years ago my then oncologist totally misread my results and told me I only had a year to live. The asshat hadn’t even seen the biopsy report, she just handed out a death sentence. After that I started seeing the sub-director of Oncology, and that was great. I could talk to her, she got things done, and all tests went smoothly. Until she got cancer!

And so last year I was told that after this year’s PET scan I would be transferred back to my original oncology group. Well, okay. Except I walked into the office this afternoon and I swear there were two 14-year-olds sitting there. And their idea was that I should have a CT scan in 6 months and, if that went well, I would continue with annual CT scans. WTF? I told them that last year (after reaching the five year cancer free point) I’d been told I would be having PET-CT scans anually, and they said “BY WHO?”… honestly, they couldn’t have been more unprofessional (caught one of them giggling at me as I was getting up to leave). Anyhow, we have left it that they would get in touch with Nuclear Medicine and sort out the next step of my future scans. Meanwhile, I’d rather be getting the PET-CT scans, wouldn’t you?

trigger happy

02 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by in books, friends, health & happiness

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trigger points

The jury (well, my doctor) is still out on the No Cycling Situation especially after my spectacularly stupid fall up the stairs, further damaging my knee. It’s been a month since I’ve been to the gym now, and I really miss it! I am considering getting a private trainer for awhile at least, because if I show up for regular pilates or yoga classes with a list of things I can’t do I’ll be like a gluten & lactose intolerant vegan asking for a food tour. And yeah, I know there are probably other things I can do at the gym on my own, but I’d like to get a good routine going that takes into account stuff like my knee, lower back and hernia issues.

Meanwhile I received this fab book from my dear friend Sledpress and, in spite of me not doing the treatments as often as I should, the knee has noticeably improved. I’m still not dancing up and down the stairs, but at least now I don’t have to take them one step at a time. So… progress! Thanks again, Sled.

scanxiety is what it is

21 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

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scanxiety

I came across this the other day whilst thinking about scanxiety, and at first I thought, hey yeah, that’s cool. But then I thought, hey wait a minute.

I agree with the bit that talks about the things that cause our anxiety have already happened (so saying not to worry about things that will never happen obviously does not work here). And I agree with the part that says it’s about remembering. Because it did happen to me. Again and then again. So you know, why wouldn’t it happen yet again?

Which brings me to the part I disagree with “it’s not so much about worrying.” Sorry, for me it’s TOTALLY about worrying. And fretting, and second-guessing, and hoping, and regretting, and even panicking. Hey, it happened before, it can happen again. Why is that so hard to understand? And all those well meaning people who say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”… I kind of wish they wouldn’t say that. I know it’s not meant as such but it feels a bit like being given the brush off. That I am worrying about nothing. Really? If your cancer came back twice would you honestly and truly believe it would never come back again? That there is nothing to worry about? Think again.

So what’s the best thing to say to someone terrified about the possible outcome of yet another PET scan? Well, how about whatever is real for you? That you have no idea what I’m going through but you are hoping for the best. That you will get on the next plane if it all goes tits up. That you’ve been through this yourself and it’s totally shit and you’ll be waiting for me on the other side of the results. And even that you care a lot but simply don’t know what to say – that’s all totally okay and also totally understandable.

But please don’t tell me not to worry. Or that of course I will be okay. Though in fact, it turns out I am okay this time, at least for now. Yesterday’s PET scan was ALL CLEAR. And I’m still processing this. It will take a few days before I allow myself to feel all that happy relief. Or rather, I will dole it out bit by bit… once you have almost died you learn to savour things, so this happy joy of once again dodging a cancer bullet should keep me going until at least Christmas. After that, it will be life as usual again. Or at least as usual as it ever is for cancer survivors. Hey, thanks for listening. xx

keep calm and cuddle cats…

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in cancer, cats, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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calm cats

Yesterday morning while I was working on the computer, answering some emails, flatmate Peter suddenly said to me, “now don’t get mad…”

Turns out while I was away in Jerez the hospital called the landline and told Peter that my PET scan was going to be on Tuesday morning at 8 am. And he forgot to tell me! Like, wtf? How the hell do you forget that sort of thing?? Anyhow, that meant the scan would be THE VERY NEXT DAY. Today.

So I spent most of yesterday fighting off scanxiety. Luckily I had a meeting in the morning with my lovely WLT chicas, and then a lunchtime tapas tour, to help keep my mind off things. Then in the evening I did just “whatever” until it was time to go to bed. I really couldn’t focus very well. Too many feelings.

By the time this post goes up I will already be at the hospital, pumped full of radioactive isotope and waiting to go into the machine. And I will be trying to remember how I felt when this photo was taken on Sunday morning. I was back from Jerez and enjoying coffee in bed with the cats, listening to the rain, feeling happy and calm. But I know I will actually be terrified. See you on the other side…