Category Archives: health & happiness

chemo sucks

30 Monday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 41 Comments

What an ordeal!

Because Pipocas was occupied with family obligations today, nursemyra & daisy very generously offered to go with me to my first chemo session, scheduled for 12 pm today. The one my oncologist told me would last for about an hour or so. I was supposed to arrive 15 minutes early for the appointment but got there even earlier, at 11.30.

Well, ha! I finally got put into the comfy chair around 2pm and was told the procedure would take about two and a half hours (wtf???) … but what could I do? I mostly felt bad for the chicas spending most of one of their holiday days in the hospital with me. And the procedure itself was no picnic as my hand and arm hurt like hell almost the whole time, and still does now some six hours later.

What I am mostly worried about now is how I’m going to react to the chemo and also the pills I have to take for the next two weeks, as these are apparently the ones that cause all the problems with nausea and vomiting. To wit, nursemyra is staying over tonight, mostly so I don’t have to go to sleep feeling afraid and alone – isn’t that lovely? I don’t know what’s going to happen, so until I start having symptoms that I can find a way of coping with it’s like being back in limbo once again.

Anyhow, just back from a lovely evening of tapas & wine with the chicas (tastebuds are already going wonky). And I’ve just finished chatting to Nog on the phone – he’s settling into his new job but really wishes he could be here. And now it’s time for bed. I honestly have no idea what tomorrow will bring but it feels safe knowing there’s someone just down the hall if I need anything. Even just knowing someone is there will probably be enough.

Going to try and be not so wimpy & needy tomorrow.

Hasta mañana . . .

¡campeones!

29 Sunday Jun 2008

Posted by in friends, health & happiness, home, sevilla, spain, tapas

≈ 11 Comments

As this was my last chemo-free day for who-knows-when it was a very self-indulgent one. After my usual morning routine and dreaded Bike Ride (whilst watching a chick flick on tv) I spent the afternoon just relaxing at home in very pleasant company and later on in the evening the girls and I went out for tapas. As the European Cup final was being played (Spain vs Germany) there was no problem getting a table at Bar Giralda. Afterwards we took a stroll and went for a nightcap on the rooftop terrace at the Hotel Doña Maria. Above you can see the view from our table.

Then Sevilla won the final 3-0 and all hell broke loose.

On our way out of the hotel I received a text message on my mobile phone from Blues Shark & Sara in London, who had been watching the match there. I hope they won’t mind me quoting it here but it made me laugh and also cry just a little…

Hiya! Just a quickie through the noise to let you know we’re thinking of you and wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Viva España! Viva az!! 🙂

Luckily I have something for them too! This pic was taken from the rooftop terrace. Click to enlarge.

prognosis & treatment (1)

28 Saturday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 20 Comments

It was question and answer time at the hospital yesterday. And I have to say that I was very impressed by how honestly my oncologist Yolanda answered my very direct questions.

The day got off to a bit of a frantic start. Not only was Nog packing up to leave for his month-long job teaching English at a residential camp for kids in Alicante, but Pipocas found out she might have to leave the hospital earlier than planned and, if I was going to start chemo, this would mean that I’d be left on my own. And so on the way to meet Pipocas I stopped by the girls’ apartment – woke them up! – and asked daisyfae if she was still okay about coming to the hospital just in case, as she had previously offered. She was, and so off we went.

And three hours later my whole life changed.

It kinda went like this. I thought I had a choice about either operating now or later, but it turned out that the very specialist surgical team that does the liver op stuff is way booked up (also it’s summer holidays) and so my only option now is to start chemo for a cycle or two (3-6 weeks) and then have surgery. The chemo will start on Monday.

Further questioning led to me asking about my REAL medical condition and prognosis. And I mean, a LOT of extra questioning. Yolanda wasn’t giving anything away but what finally came out was this. . .

  • that I’d had a very aggressive tumour that metastasized very quickly to my liver
  • that after liver surgery there will be a 50% chance of the cancer returning
  • that with chemotherapy this will be reduced to 45%
  • that once I finish chemo I will need to be tested every three months

Pretty scary stuff. Yet somehow I feel more ‘at home’ knowing where I stand. This is much better than going through the chemo and liver surgery and THEN being told the odds. Which aren’t particularly in my favour, are they? I was surprised at how little difference having chemo made.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel like giving up and dying. But I also don’t think that I can “fight cancer” by doing anything more than following the prescribed treatment and continuing to enjoy my life. It’s a very serious illness. I’ll either get better or I won’t. Dammit.

test results

26 Thursday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 18 Comments

Pilar from The Team (that’s her in the photo link) called me last night just after Nog, nursemyra and I had finished dinner and were taking a walk down by the river.

The PET scan found two malignant lesions in my liver. I’m going to need more surgery.

I guess I’ll find out what my options are when I see the oncologist tomorrow. Pilar says they will probably either operate now and do the chemo later, or do a month or two of chemo and then operate, with more chemo to follow. So I’ll need to find out the pros and cons for both of these options. Since Nog is leaving tomorrow to work in Alicante for a month it might be better to wait and have the surgery done when he gets back, so there is someone here to help out. On the other hand, starting the chemo now and postponing the operation seems like it will just prolong the whole treatment and I sure can’t afford to spend extra time off work. Decisions, decisions . . .

I’m so scared, guys.

pet scan

21 Saturday Jun 2008

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 8 Comments

PET: positron emission tomography

What an ordeal! A much more complicated process than with the CT scan, but at least I didn’t have to drink that awful barium sulphate crap. My appointment was at 9.45 – I thought it would be nice to walk through the park that time of day so Nog & I left early to make the 45-minute trek to the hospital. I wasn’t allowed to have any brekky, which didn’t bother me, but I was totally jonesing for a coffee.

As soon as I got to the nuclear medicine department they brought me into the injection room (gaaaa!) and stuck an IV thingy in my hand vein (ouch!) . The guy who did it was actually quite good and only had to do it twice. Then he gave me a serious tranquiliser and muscle relaxant, took a blood sample, hooked up a bottle of saline solution and injected me with some FDG (radioactive isotope). After this he said he had to leave the room as I would be emitting radiation (eep!) and that I was to sit there in my comfy reclining chair for an hour and let the drugs totally relax me.

Then I got put through the PET machine, which is similar to the CT one but it takes longer (about half an hour compared to ten minutes). After that they sent me away to have something to eat and said I’d have to come back an hour and a half later to be put through the machine again. But the second time was faster – about ten minutes.

The Team said they were going to let me know the results by Tuesday, so then I should know whether I’ll be starting chemo on Friday or if I’ll have to have more surgery first … time for some of that medicinal chilled white wine I reckon.