Category Archives: health

black monday

26 Monday Feb 2024

Posted by in health, health & happiness, sevilla

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black monday

Nothing really to do with it being Monday since, as a freelancer, there aren’t actually any weekdays or weekends (or holidays). And as far as my work goes, I love it, so I don’t fall prey to pre-work dread. So what is it then? Good question. I know this has been building up for a while now with my usual tools of denial, deflection and determination getting me through. But something feels wrong. I feel like I’m in a dark place that is scaring the fuckity out of me and every day it gets harder to get out of bed and care about anything. So every day is an exercise in going through the motions in the hope that my… what? will kick back in.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still going about my life, working, seeing friends, doing stuff I like, making plans… but it kind of feels like I am actually missing while all of this stuff going on, like I’m not really there. The detachment is what’s scaring me. Feels like I’ve been here before and it didn’t go well. I wish I could be more clear about this but as about 90% of my childhood memories don’t exist I’ve always felt like I am playing it by ear. Day by day.

Believing in myself has always been a challenge and there is a propensity to believe the worst and not have faith in the good stuff. What can I say? I know I’m a complicated person. But it turns out that for many people out there I’m kind of a “marmite” love-or-hate person. Honestly I’d rather just be liked and respected on a mutual individual basis… don’t require unanimous love and sure don’t do well with hate.

Anyhow, just blowing off some steam as I am sitting here at home unable to go outside because… can’t.

too much pain

23 Friday Feb 2024

Posted by in fitness, health, health & happiness, knee saga, knees

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knee pain

So I’m pretty much desperate now. I’ve had KNEES for the past few years, meaning that I became physically aware that they existed rather than previously when they just functioned without making their presence known. But it was only last year May-June when I started having serious knee pain. So I got it checked out, got x-rays and an MRI in September (on the left knee, though by then it was the right knee that was giving me more grief). In fact I ended up at emergency when the pain got so bad it scared me. Doc just said I should stay off it and prescribed pain meds, including Nolotil which is BANNED IN 20 COUNTRIES as one of its many nasty side effects is DEATH. Needless to say I eschewed the drugs.

I haven’t gone back to my GP about the MRI results because when I tried a phone appointment a few months ago she was on holiday and I got her replacement who just told me to take painkillers and ride a stationary bike. The fuck? For what it’s worth I’ve set up another phone appointment for next week to see if she has anything more helpful to say. Like, I should probably be seeing an orthopaedic specialist at this point, plus I think the right knee also needs an MRI. And then, you know, maybe some helpful advice?

Meanwhile, I can barely walk anymore. It’s shocking to me how things went from “gee my knees kinda hurt” less than a year ago to screaming pain whenever I have to get up from a seated position (once I get moving it eases up a bit, but only a bit). Needless to say this affects my job which involves a lot of walking. But it has also affected my life in general because walking is what I do! I’m always out and about, getting my steps in, just being out there. Now it takes all my effort to put myself through the pain it takes to just walk a few blocks. It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted.

shades of grey

26 Friday Jan 2024

Posted by in hair, health

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shades of grey

Got a haircut this week! Since my peluquero of more than 20 years sadly died of Covid in early 2021 it’s been tricky because I am an annoying drop in client and Joaquín never minded that. All I ever want is a quick wash and trim (dos dedos), no blow dry or styling, it takes less than 15 mins. BUT I have to be on my way home (wet hair) and so I drop in when the timing is just right. These days it usually takes a couple of tries, and this week I lucked out.

Looks like I am one trim (maybe two) away from being all natural, which unfortunately isn’t the stunning pure silvery-white I’d been hoping for… apparently I am “dove grey” with white at the temples. I like the white bits but hope it doesn’t make me look like Grandpa Munster! But it actually feels good not to be bothered about hair colour anymore. Just one less thing, you know?

the c word

22 Friday Dec 2023

Posted by in coronavirus, covid, health, sevilla

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stop covid

This notice was on the door as I walked into the hospital yesterday. Translation…

BE RESPONSIBLE On Your Visits

STOP FLU

IF YOU HAVE FLU SYMPTOMS (fever, cough, sore throat, rhinitis)
Please don’t enter, so you don’t put patients at risk

IF YOUR VISIT IS URGENT, wear a mask
(you can ask for one from the staff on your floor)

Flu, huh? It’s like everyone is afraid to say the C Word anymore. I mean, as you know, I’ve been a regular hospital visitor for well over 15 years and I don’t remember ever seeing Flu warnings posted before, and especially not with a request to wear a mask.

Meanwhile it seems Covid is taking the world by storm once again with its latest variant JN.1 which only yesterday the WHO finally publicly recognised as a “variant of interest”, recommending masks in all hospital and health care settings. But as we all know, recommending does fuck all.

Gotta say this global “save the economy” strategy was expertly played by simply relying on peoples’ inherent selfishness and creating the us-and-them “healthy vs vulnerable” thang whilst withholding crucial data from the public. As expected, the majority of the (first) world decided that a small inconvenience was too much for them to bear because they were the healthy ones and so the rest could either JUST STAY HOME or THEY could wear a mask if it made them feel safer. Us and Them. Them and Us. But you know, which one is which? Because it turns out that we are ALL the vulnerable ones, no matter how much the “healthy” people tell themselves otherwise. That FAFO situation is already unfolding as we speak but unfortunately it will take irrefutable evidence before the Covid deniers will accept what is actually going on in front of them.

Shame that none of this evidence reaches us anymore. It’s always been there but now it’s all “don’t test don’t tell” and just telling people what they want to hear. Meanwhile JN.1 sounds like a big time motherfucker and so I will be taking precautions. Stay safe out there, amigos.

all-clear cava!

21 Thursday Dec 2023

Posted by in cancer, health, hospitals

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all clear cava

After getting booted out of the “cancer club” last week I still had one more hurdle, which was a backup ultrasound after last spring’s mammogram. Which was this afternoon. And the very good news is that I am ALL CLEAR. Phew! So there was a glass of bubbly on the way home and now… well, I just hope that I will be hospital-free at least for a while. There will be the usual GP maintenance check up in a couple of months with a blood test, review of my blood pressure status and – maybe! – some info about my FUCKING KNEES. It’s a bit alarming how they went from being a bit painful to needing a stick in just 3-4 months. But that’s for another day. Today I feel so relieved about this good news that I may even sleep tonight!