Category Archives: hope

fingers crossed!

21 Friday Jan 2011

Posted by in cancer, chemo, hope, hospitals

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Today at 8am I’m having the third PET scan since I got the all-clear in September 2009 after my last chemo finished that summer. Will my luck hold? Will I be okay?

I’m always nervous, if not downright terrified, just before a scan (scanxiety!) but this time was only given two day’s notice, so at least that cut down on the usual anxiety build-up period. Just two nights of lost sleep rather than a week or so. But the really extra anxiety-making thing is that this time I have to go all on my own. Nog has a class and I couldn’t find anyone else to come with me. We’re talking about six hours of scary hospital time with nobody else to talk to.

By the time most of you read this I’ll probably be either in the machine or still at the hospital awaiting the results. I’m really lucky that I don’t have to wait a month after the test for results as my nuclear medicine Team always tell me straight away. The scary thing about that is – if they do find more cancer – they will probably insist I start chemo next week, which would really bugger up my moving plans, as well as the two tapas tours I have booked the first week in February. Of course the even scarier thing would be them telling me that chemo is no longer an option…

Hope I’m back with good news later on!
I know you’re all rooting for me, and that helps.

my new home?

19 Wednesday Jan 2011

Posted by in change, home, hope

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Well, I found it! Just by chance after my friend Flor sent me an email last night saying she’d seen a for rent sign up on a building around the corner from her place. So I called and it sounded wonderful – and also too expensive – but I thought it was worth looking at. And man, it’s perfect. Bigger than I was looking for with three bedrooms instead of two (though really one “bedroom” is more of an office space) and 100 square metres not including the massive terrace. On two floors without the dangerous-for-cats spiral staircase. Clean, freshly painted, unfurnished (yay!). Tons of light everywhere, and balconies. The kitchen has loads of cupboard space, the two bedrooms also have lots of closet and storage space. The drawback? The price! And I am so trying to rationalise and figure out how to say yes to this place. My maximum price was set at 750 euros, a hundred euros more than I’m paying now, but I was hoping for 700. But the thing is, this apartment is actually worth the price. Which is 850 euros, and which the owners say they are willing to lower to 800 euros and guarantee that price for two years.

And so, 50 euros more than my maximum price, and 150 more than I am paying now. To be honest, if Peter was working more and paying his share then I could afford it. This irks, because the whole point of sharing your dwelling is to cut costs – this is not happening for me at the moment. Another option is to rent out the “third bedroom” for a few months until things get sorted, to see if Peter gets his shit together. Because really, if I have to share the place then it makes sense to do it with someone who can actually pay, right? I can put up with three for a short time, but hey, there’s only one bathroom. And I know I can find people willing to take that room here on short-term rental, because the apartment is fantastic. And the owners know I’m in love with it, and have given me first option, though I have to decide this week.

Well, I guess you’re wondering what the place looks like. Here are some pics I took this morning with my iPhone that don’t really do it justice, and the apartment was still in the midst of painting and cleaning, and they’ll be hanging curtains, etc, but you can at least get an idea  (click on all the collages to enlarge)…

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home hunting sucks…

12 Wednesday Jan 2011

Posted by in change, home, hope, sevilla

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I know at least one person who loves apartment hunting, and I suppose if I could afford to pay more and didn’t have a deadline then I might feel less stressed about this. I think I’ve seen over a dozen places now and not one of them felt like it could be home, and I’m getting worried as time runs out that I’ll end up in somewhere I don’t like at all.

This is also hugely time consuming and entire half-days are lost going off to see places when I should hunting for clients.

I guess if I were just looking for another apartment, and not a home, then it would be easier. But I really don’t want to live just anywhere and I sure don’t want to end up in some place with a red kitchen or purple bathroom… there sure are a lot of ugly places out there, at least in my price range.

more hope

03 Monday Jan 2011

Posted by in cancer, home, hope, life stuff

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On January 3rd 2009 I put up my first ever Photohunt entry – that week’s theme was “Hope”. It was a photo of my old suede daybook showing January 3rd 2010 with the words STILL HERE written on the page, because in 2008 I’d been  diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer, had gone through three major operations and one nasty bout of chemo and had also been told my chances of survival weren’t very good. The next year I did the same thing for the following January 3rd after having had a recurrence and more chemo, and I tell ya, it was wonderful this morning to see those words again and still actually be here. With another PET scan coming up this month I’m starting to get very nervous once again.

And so here is today’s STILL HERE pic written on the page for January 3rd 2012 (taken in bed with iPhone, hence a bit fuzzy). I really really hope to see you then!