Category Archives: life stuff

february 14th

14 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by in hope, life stuff, love

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Autumn Floral HeartI like to think of myself as a bit of a romantic, but it kinda irks to have romance thrust upon me one day a year. It was even worse when I was the fat & ugly kid at school that my classmates shunned – that is, when they weren’t busy finding new and painful ways to humiliate me. Not getting any valentines from said classmates was just one of those ways. But fuck ’em, you know? It was really the teachers who were to blame, setting all us misfits up like that. But it still hurt.

I reckon it’s also how a lot of single and lonely people feel on February 14th – set up by the media and commercial hype of what Romance should look and feel like. None of this bothers me anymore because at this point in my life I’ve experienced enough amazingly romantic moments that I don’t feel like I’ve missed out. And since I am now a more-than-somewhat-chubby woman in my mid-50’s living between PET scans I doubt I am anyone’s idea of a catch. But I digress…

This morning I got a call from a hotel telling me that one of their guests was interested in a tapas tour. So I got in touch and, after sending info and doing a bit of organising, I met Tim and Ellen two hours later for a lunchtime tapas tour. And it turned out that they were on their honeymoon! And so there I was, suddenly spending Valentine’s Day with two young people on their honeymoon holiday… and it was great! Because I really am a romantic and it was lovely being with a couple who were clearly in love and happy together. Kinda filled me up.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

hope 2014

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by in cancer, friends, home, hope, life stuff, love

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hope 2014

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to do the same next year.

lap cat

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, change, home, life stuff

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Lots of changes happen when, well, when things change. For example, now that Azar is no longer draped over my legs when I am in my comfy chair either reading or watching tv… Loki has decided to become a lap cat. And frankly, I love it! Especially now that it’s getting colder. He just cuddles up and starts purring and there are even fleeting moments when I forget to miss Azar. Likewise, now that Azar is no longer sleeping on my head, Luna has started sneaking under the duvet to snuggle up for the night. It’s so endearing and it reminds me of when Azar first started trusting me enough to do that. So yeah, the bottom line is that I still miss Azar so much that it’s a constant ache in my heart, but these two young’uns help me smile every day and help me remember how lucky I am.

grave matters

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by in cats, change, death & dying, home, hope, life stuff

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When Azar died I said in another blog post that I finally understood why people want to believe in Heaven, and I also finally understood the concept of graves. Ever since I made the somewhat rash decision to bury Azar in a square near my house I realised that I actually took comfort in him still being “close to home” and that I can see the trees from my bedroom window and know that he is resting below them. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know it’s just his remains there, but I somehow need him to be nearby.

I actually waited almost two weeks before I revisited his grave, in case it had been disturbed, because I didn’t know what I’d do if Azar was no longer there. But I found it just as we’d left it, and since then I’ve wandered by many times and stop to say a few words.

My most beautiful boy.