I posted this on Instagram yesterday after I went up to the roof to hang up some laundry, and then my friend Alexis commented “I can see a heart!” And there it is. A blue heart. That’s all today folks. Hope you’re okay. ❤
So okay, since lockdown on March 14th I’ve been out of the house twice, both times for supermarket runs and to take out the rubbish (with all the cooking I’ve been doing and the CAT SAND, I can’t leave it longer than that). But each time I’ve felt like I was dodging bullets. Even though my closest supermarket has been taking great care with protecting both its staff and customers I feel extra vulnerable due to, well MY AGE, and also as I’ve mentioned before, the autoimmune shit going on due to previous stage 4 cancer & chemo.
Meanwhile, of course I miss my old life. I miss my work, my friends, being able to make a living. And I really miss my 10,000 step walks along the river and through the city. And then I hear people saying they can’t live without getting outside for their daily run or a bit of fresh air. Well, you know what? Of course you fucking CAN. You just don’t want to.
Maybe it’s my previous experience with having had stage 4 cancer and being twice on chemo, and having 4 major abdominal operations that pretty much robbed me of a year and a half of my life… I learned that when someone tells me to stay home, I fucking stay home. I don’t think, “oh but I want my old life back” and defy the orders, not to mention the odds. Because when you have stage 4 cancer there is no guarantee that you will ever get your old life back again, or any life at all.
There was also the fact that I felt like death warmed over most of the time, so going out wasn’t really that appealing anyhow. But I did ALWAYS wish I could go out again. And then one day I could. In fact the one time I defied the rules and went out too soon after my final operation in 2011… blam! hernia! Nobody to blame but myself.
So while, yeah, I’m going a bit stir crazy and of course I’d love to be outside in the spring sunshine, all of that, I also find myself going into self-protective mode, hunkering down, waiting for this to pass. With the feeling of having been here before, I know what it’s like, and I know I can deal with it. Back then, with the whole cancer thing, I didn’t have hope per se, but I perservered. One day at a time, not knowing what the final outcome would be.
Well guess what? There really was no actual final outcome other than somehow I didn’t die, and somehow I am still here long after I was told I wouldn’t be. So about this coronavirus? Same deal. Except instead of it just happening to me it’s happening to all of us.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve already had the experience of having had my life put on hold, with little or no guarantee that things would get better. This time I’m doing it with all you guys. Stay healthy… and stay home! We can do this. xx
Today I went out for my weekly supermarket run (and rubbish dump). My last time out was on Wednesday, when I noticed changes since the previous visit to El Corte Inglés supermarket at the beginning of the lockdown. Staff were all wearing gloves and masks and we were handed plastic gloves on our way in. Today security had been stepped up, with gloves and sanitiser left out for our use on a table on the way in, and cashiers were being protected behind plexiglass.
All this time I’ve been feeling bad about not supporting local independents more but the sad truth is that the small guys aren’t able to offer the same protection for both staff and customers that the bigger supermarkets can. Being in a high risk demographic – over 60 with autoimmune shit going on due to previous stage 4 cancer & chemo – I just don’t want to take the extra risk.
Meanwhile, last week my friends Jeanine & Juan who run the amazing La Azotea, started offering daily menus for home delivery, along with selected items from their regular menu, and also wines. This is a great option for people who haven’t had time to shop, don’t like cooking, or simply miss their favourite La Azotea dishes. You can follow them on their Instagram stories to see the daily specials.
And today I found out about a new iniciative started by four friends, including my pal Javier, chef and owner of Taberna Lalola, called El Mercado de Sevilla, offering an online platform for local independent food shops and suppliers to provide home delivery. It’s free of charge for suppliers to join and there is no delivery charge. It’s still early days, but the website is up and runnying as of today.
How hard is it? Okay, I realise it is hard on us because life as we knew it in Spain stopped on March 14th. And I understand those difficulties and empathise. But what I don’t understand are those people who feel their “rights” and their “freedom” are being infringed upon and are doing everything they can to flaunt these new rules from some sense of assholey entitlement. You know the rules, the very drastic ones put in place for our safety. It’s absolutely appalling to me how some people cannot see beyond their own “experience”
Is it because as a society we are so used to getting our way, and never have to budge or make any effort to accommodate The Common Good?
In western societies none of us from my generation on has EVER had to endure any real hardship on a broad social level. Yes of course individuals suffer and prosper, that’s life. But to have a global disaster and a blanket rule of law curtail our lives… yeah WTF right?
Well no. Because as much as we are all individuals we do not live in a bubble. We are a thread in our social fabric, and as we are seeing, all the threads are important. I’m not just talking about the heroic hospital staff who have been FUCKING SAVING OUR LIVES while some of us decide it’s still okay to pop out every day for just some fresh bread or a newspaper. I am also talking about supermarket cashiers and everybody else diong the “front line” jobs that are keeping us going.
I’ve limited outings to the supermarket (also have to take out rubbish!) to every seven days. Because I don’t actually believe we are being told the whole truth about this pandemic by our governments (surprise!). Anyhow, it’s exhausting looking at friends still going out for non-essential reasons. That whole “it can’t happen to me” attitude. And maybe it won’t. But maybe you are asymptomatic, and who else might you be killing? (not YOU you, talking in general). I can’t understand this level of selfishness.
The recent report on Iceland testing showed that half of the asymptomatic people tested were positive and carriers. This should make all of us absolutely terrified to set foot outdoors, not just for our sakes, but for all of us. I know I’m no doubt coming across on social media as a ranty STAY AT HOME crazy bitch woman, so I’ll try to knock that off as it’s probably not helping. Not even myself. As that rather bleak photo states, we are facing a new reality, a new “normal”, and maybe we should have seen it coming. I mean, we did we really think we could just carry on like we were without any consequences?
Anyhow, it’s only 7.30 pm but I’m exhausted so I’m going to bed now. I’ll miss applauding with my neighbours on our balconies at 8, but I just can’t take anymore of today. Hope you guys are holding up. xx