Just home from the vet’s from another post op check up and antibiotic jab (last one) and found out the biopsy results had come back. And it’s benign!!! OMG. I don’t even know how to feel. I mean of course I am so relieved and happy and all that but I’ve been so wound up tight since the operation, well even before that, I think it’s going to take a bit for it all to sink in. But yeah, I can breathe again. That feels good. And my girl is on the mend.

The hard part now will be that Morcilla has to keep the dread collar on for another week (we go to get the stitches taken out a week tomorrow) and there’s no way she’s going to like that. We will also have to keep camping out in my bedroom at night with her own food and water dishes and litter box. In part to keep her in check (she’s already learned how to take the cone off) but also to keep her separated from Luna, who is being a hissy-spitty weirdo.

Ufff, can I tell you? Since I was little I have never been able to sleep with my bedroom door closed. Nor can I sleep in the dark. The door thing I can just about manage but I’ve had to rearrange the nightlight situation so there’s an extra one in my room now. But being closed off all night means that Luna (who used to love curling up under the sheets with me) is now bedding down with Peter and I can see that at the end of all this she will probably remain with him. Cat bed politics.

But the important thing is omg omg omg… Morcilla is going to be okay. I was so scared to even hope after taking Loki in for what I thought was a routine check up and then a week later he was gone. Anyhow, for now it’s all good. Thanks to everyone for your good wishes.

Test result translation below…

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We didn’t make it to today. The plan had been that our vet Sonia would come this evening to “take him away” but yesterday afternoon I sent her a message asking if maybe we could talk about doing it sooner. It was so clear that Loki was not having any kind of life any more and watching him trying to get to his water bowl and then (and then!) try to pee in the box rather than in his blanket… it was so painful to watch and I realised that was enough. Sonia called back late afternoon and as soon as she heard me she said “we can be there in an hour”. And OMG, it was suddenly all happening too fast and I said “oh no, can’t we”… and then I stopped. Because of course it had to happen. So I said okay and then bundled Loki into my lap. This is the last photo I took of us together while we waited. My heart.

At first I couldn’t stop sobbing, honestly I was totally crying my heart out, I just didn’t want to let go of him. Then I don’t know, I looked down at him so weak and tired in my lap, so trusting, and I realised that he deserved better than this. So several deep breaths later I started talking to him in my special Loki lovey-dovey voice, telling him how much I was going to miss him, how much I love him, but that it was time to let go and that he had to remember how much he was loved, how much everyone loved him. By the time Sonia and Macarena arrived we were both very calm, just Loki and me in my comfy chair, just like always.

Sonia administered the tranquilliser with Loki still in my lap so he wasn’t disturbed at all. I don’t think he even knew they were there. Sonia said “just keep talking to him” and so I did. A few minutes later he got all groggy and floppy and then it was time. I carried him over to the office table, there was a blanket set up already, and we put him there, all limp and barely conscious, and then Sonia gave him the necessary injections. Two minutes later he was gone. And Sonia gave me some time to kiss him again and say goodbye one last time before they gently moved him to a carrier and took him away.

Sonia told me before leaving this was the hardest part of her job and said I had done the right thing to call her (she’d immediately left a full waiting room at her practice to attend to us) then she gave me a big hug. And then they were gone. And my Loki was gone. My Loki. 🧡🐈