Tag Archives: love

calmosedan

09 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, love

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Bought some of this today…

I was hoping to get something I could inject but was told that wouldn’t be legal. I can see that. But apparently if I give Azar two of these “when his time comes” then he’ll be so drowsy that he won’t know he’s on his way to the vet’s.

I also bought some wet food hoping that might pique his interest a bit. And then picked up some asparagus on the way home.

Now I’m going to bed early because these days that’s the only time Azar will come out from under the bed. When he knows I’m there lying down and ready to give him a cuddle just how he likes it. He also lets me feed him in bed. Little weirdo. Well, whatever it takes. Even getting up for 3am feedings.

Because it’s not quite his time yet.

resting comfortably

02 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats

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The heart of my heart, the love of my life, the… well, you get the picture. This is the most beloved little being I’ve ever known. He owns my heart and has taught me to be a good and caring person. And he’s dying. Yes, mostly of old age but now sooner due to idiot vet giving him his first vaccination at age 15 in a place that was sure to give him a malignant sarcoma. And it did. The tumour has almost doubled in size in the past few weeks. And Azar spends more and more time alone, avoiding everyone, except at night when he still comes up onto my bed to cuddle and even sleep on my head. I can’t stand it guys.

I feel like I’m losing him fast and… I can’t stand it.

a sad day

21 Saturday Apr 2012

Posted by in cancer, cats, death & dying, health & happiness, love

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Yesterday was a very sad day. I’m still taking it in a bit at a time because I can’t actually “go there” yet…

Remember I mentioned on Azar’s birthday post that I’d found a couple of small lumps on his shoulder? Well, on Thursday he scratched off a big scab along with a clump of fur and I realised that there was actually a wound there and that it was infected (bad smell!). And so yesterday I took Azar to see Yolanda. At first she said that it might be a scratch or bite from one of the other cats that got infected, but upon closer inspection she confirmed my worst fear. That it was mostly likely a tumour, and cancerous. I asked her if it might be a vaccine associated sarcoma and she said she couldn’t be sure. But I remember clear as day that she gave Azar his one and only vaccination injection just above his shoulder, the one we gave him to prevent him from catching anything potentially fatal from Loki just over two years ago.

In any case, there is nothing to be done. Yolanda said flat out that at Azar’s age and with his kidney problems, he would not likely survive an operation to remove the tumour, which she said was quite an invasive procedure and required a general anaesthetic. She said the important thing was to ensure his quality of life as long as possible until it was time to “let go of a full and happy life”.  And I stood there calm as can be asking what symptoms I should look out for. But I can’t write them here now because it will make me cry, like I did most of yesterday afternoon.

And I am trying hard not to go through the hellish “what ifs” that are racing through my brain. What if I hadn’t opted for that vaccination, what if Yolanda has given it in a different place (as is recommended these days), what if I’d taken Azar in sooner when I first noticed the lump…

Anyhow, here is a photo of my darling boy (taken five minutes ago) curled up next to me on his favourite stool with the balcony doors open, enjoying a lovely warm spring breeze and lots of cuddles and carresses from his Human. Quality of life still okey-dokey so far.