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Category Archives: health & happiness

trigger happy

02 Monday Nov 2015

Posted by azahar in books, friends, health & happiness

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

friends, health

trigger points

The jury (well, my doctor) is still out on the No Cycling Situation especially after my spectacularly stupid fall up the stairs, further damaging my knee. It’s been a month since I’ve been to the gym now, and I really miss it! I am considering getting a private trainer for awhile at least, because if I show up for regular pilates or yoga classes with a list of things I can’t do I’ll be like a gluten & lactose intolerant vegan asking for a food tour. And yeah, I know there are probably other things I can do at the gym on my own, but I’d like to get a good routine going that takes into account stuff like my knee, lower back and hernia issues.

Meanwhile I received this fab book from my dear friend Sledpress and, in spite of me not doing the treatments as often as I should, the knee has noticeably improved. I’m still not dancing up and down the stairs, but at least now I don’t have to take them one step at a time. So… progress! Thanks again, Sled.

scanxiety is what it is

21 Wednesday Oct 2015

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, home, hope, hospitals

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cancer, hope, hospitals, pet scan, scanxiety

scanxiety

I came across this the other day whilst thinking about scanxiety, and at first I thought, hey yeah, that’s cool. But then I thought, hey wait a minute.

I agree with the bit that talks about the things that cause our anxiety have already happened (so saying not to worry about things that will never happen obviously does not work here). And I agree with the part that says it’s about remembering. Because it did happen to me. Again and then again. So you know, why wouldn’t it happen yet again?

Which brings me to the part I disagree with “it’s not so much about worrying.” Sorry, for me it’s TOTALLY about worrying. And fretting, and second-guessing, and hoping, and regretting, and even panicking. Hey, it happened before, it can happen again. Why is that so hard to understand? And all those well meaning people who say “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”… I kind of wish they wouldn’t say that. I know it’s not meant as such but it feels a bit like being given the brush off. That I am worrying about nothing. Really? If your cancer came back twice would you honestly and truly believe it would never come back again? That there is nothing to worry about? Think again.

So what’s the best thing to say to someone terrified about the possible outcome of yet another PET scan? Well, how about whatever is real for you? That you have no idea what I’m going through but you are hoping for the best. That you will get on the next plane if it all goes tits up. That you’ve been through this yourself and it’s totally shit and you’ll be waiting for me on the other side of the results. And even that you care a lot but simply don’t know what to say – that’s all totally okay and also totally understandable.

But please don’t tell me not to worry. Or that of course I will be okay. Though in fact, it turns out I am okay this time, at least for now. Yesterday’s PET scan was ALL CLEAR. And I’m still processing this. It will take a few days before I allow myself to feel all that happy relief. Or rather, I will dole it out bit by bit… once you have almost died you learn to savour things, so this happy joy of once again dodging a cancer bullet should keep me going until at least Christmas. After that, it will be life as usual again. Or at least as usual as it ever is for cancer survivors. Hey, thanks for listening. xx

keep calm and cuddle cats…

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by azahar in cancer, cats, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

hospitals, pet scan, scanxiety

calm cats

Yesterday morning while I was working on the computer, answering some emails, flatmate Peter suddenly said to me, “now don’t get mad…”

Turns out while I was away in Jerez the hospital called the landline and told Peter that my PET scan was going to be on Tuesday morning at 8 am. And he forgot to tell me! Like, wtf? How the hell do you forget that sort of thing?? Anyhow, that meant the scan would be THE VERY NEXT DAY. Today.

So I spent most of yesterday fighting off scanxiety. Luckily I had a meeting in the morning with my lovely WLT chicas, and then a lunchtime tapas tour, to help keep my mind off things. Then in the evening I did just “whatever” until it was time to go to bed. I really couldn’t focus very well. Too many feelings.

By the time this post goes up I will already be at the hospital, pumped full of radioactive isotope and waiting to go into the machine. And I will be trying to remember how I felt when this photo was taken on Sunday morning. I was back from Jerez and enjoying coffee in bed with the cats, listening to the rain, feeling happy and calm. But I know I will actually be terrified. See you on the other side…

kneeeeeeeeeeeeees

06 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by azahar in health & happiness, home

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

health, knees

knees

Yesterday I had one of my famous “fall up the stairs” moments and – you guessed it – landed on my already damaged knee. Luckily (?) I already had my x-ray appointment booked so, instead of spending 5 hours waiting at emergency today, I grabbed a taxi to the clinic and was there and home again in less than 45 minutes. According to Dr A, there’s nothing broken, so that’s something. But I had to cancel my meetings and other activities for the rest of the day and have been sitting here with my leg up. Very frustrating because I had lots to do today, but I also have to work tomorrow, so I’d better give my knee a rest and hope it’s better in the morning. How’s your day been?

no cycling

03 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by azahar in diet & nutrition, health & happiness

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

fitness, health, knees, osteoarthritis

no cyclingSo dammit! Years ago I used to run almost every morning. It was the only aerobic exercise that I enjoyed. Then when I reached 40 my lower back and hips gave out, so I had to stop. And so I bought a bicycle and took regular jaunts along the river (though it actually felt like more exercise lugging the thing up and down three long flights of stairs). More recently I’ve taken to riding the recumbent bike at the gym, where I actually get a good sweat going, usually riding for about an hour.

Then my left knee starting giving me grief, starting a few months ago, feeling all stiff and achy, especially on the stairs. I chalked it up to age & weight and just got on with things. Until the other morning. Somehow overnight the knee situation got serious and it was suddenly VERY painful. So yesterday I went to see Dr Agustín and he wiggled my knee around a bit and went “whoah, listen to that!”. “That” being a clickety-click sound that I’d been trying to ignore. Anyhow, it seems I have a bad case of osteoarthritis which, yep, is most likely due to age & weight. And apparently there’s not much (anything?) I can do about it, other than lose weight to alleviate the stress on the knee. Except I was told to stop cycling (at least until Dr A sees the x-rays I’m getting done next week), which will make weight loss even more difficult. *sigh*

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