Category Archives: hospitals

brave

13 Thursday May 2010

Posted by in cancer, chemo, hospitals, life stuff, tapas

≈ 14 Comments

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Busy hospital/health care day. First an early morning trip to the health centre to get my bloodwork done in time for my next oncology appointment (May 24th). Then to the hospital later this afternoon to get the chemo port flushed. The blood test is no big deal – other than not being able to have coffee when I get up – as it’s just a short walk to the health centre and I don’t have any scary memories attached to the place. But we all know how I feel about the hospital! Which is why I am so pleased to report that this will be the third time I’ve gone to get my port flushed all by myself. Okay, I still go in a taxi (feels safer somehow), but I time it so that afterwards I can meet Nog after his last class of the day, which is about a ten minute walk from the hospital, and then we go for a drink and maybe a tapa and have a nice walk home. Pretty good, eh?

In fact, I think I deserve a medal!  🙂

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another hospital day…

22 Monday Feb 2010

Posted by in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, hospitals

≈ 24 Comments

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Got my appointment with Dr Ana the oncologist today at 5pm. Meanwhile, Azar has been all floppy and unwell over the weekend, so I will have to take him to the vet’s this morning and I’m worried sick. Could it be a delayed reaction to the vaccination? Is he dying? I can’t help but think of my last oncology appointment on November 17th and how that same morning I’d taken Sunny to the vet’s … and then that night he lay dying in my arms. I mean, hospital days totally suck anyhow without all this extra crap. So much for taking things easy and preparing myself for my next hospital visit.

I’m a wreck. Azar is not well.
I am not coping.
Fuck.

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fear

12 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by in cancer, hope, hospitals, life stuff

≈ 9 Comments

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Fear is my worst enemy.

I mean that it is the one thing I cannot seem to cope with in a way that doesn’t make me hate myself, that makes me feel like I will never “grow up”. And I was reminded of this yesterday when I had to go to the hospital to get the chemo port flushed out. A once a month ordeal. And it really shouldn’t be an ORDEAL because if I go at the right time (around 7pm) there is a very short wait and the procedure itself only takes about five minutes. But there is so much attached to walking through those hospital doors, so many awful memories of FEAR. And I stupidly let it catch me by surprise because I’d been having such a great week. Lots of positive things were happening, got things resolved with the kitteh situation, and I’d even lost a couple of kilos! Then sometime just before lunch it was like someone turned on the fear tap and I was suddenly inundated with a horrible flood of emotions that seemingly came out of nowhere. Though of course they have been there all along …

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clean

13 Wednesday Jan 2010

Posted by in cancer, change, friends, hope, hospitals, yoga

≈ 57 Comments

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This is very true…
But a clean PET scan is the best birthday present ever!

I have to admit that I’m still processing all this. As many of you know, I was pretty tied up in knots about this latest PET scan (my fourth). Partly due to the timing … my recurrence last March happened six months after finishing chemo, and this was also six months since I finished chemo for the second time in July. And partly because for the past few weeks I’ve been experiencing some pretty bad abdominal pain. I was half-convinced the cancer was back, and started beating myself up for not doing the whole “anti-cancer” antioxidant diet, for not losing weight and getting super-fit, for not … being perfect? I dunno. I just felt I could have done better and was sure I was now going to be “punished” for not having done so (those sicko Catholic upbringings take a lot of getting over). Anyhow, I was a mess. And so, when I hadn’t heard from the hospital about my PET scan appointment last week I started pestering The Team…

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