Today I finally went to get the MRIs (plural) on my shoulder and back. I’d had to postpone my appointment twice due to NON STOP COUGHING and was finally well enough to go and – hopefully – be able to lie still during the scan. You know me, I’ve been through countless PET and CT scans over the past 17 yeats and, while a bit uncomfortable, they were fine. In fact, But somehow I woke up dreading today’s MRIs. Everything awful I’d heard about people getting all claustrophobic and panicky inside them suddenly started flooding my imagination and by the time it was time to go to the clinic let’s just say I wasn’t feeling my calmest.

Decided to taxi there, though I kept an eye out for sneaky supplements, and 10 euros later I was at my destination. So far so good. Well, other than the hour long wait… apparently the person before me had had “complications”. Yep, was feeling more anxious by the moment. And then it was my turn. The 12 year old nurse asked me if I was claustrophobic and I said OH YEAH, BIG TIME and the smile left her face. I told her I was familiar with other scans, and had MRIs done on my knees, but this would be new for me.

Anyhoodle, into the room I went, fully prepared wearing nothing metal at all (was even wearing a slip on house bra with my back up bra in my bag for when I left). Ok then, they put me up on the platform, got me in position, told me it would only be 15 minutes but if I felt uncomfortable at any moment I had my panic button in my hand. All set, in I went…

Guys. I lasted maybe ten seconds. I MEAN it was like being shoved into a mechanical coffin, nothing at all like a CT or PET… it was so closed in and tight, I couldn’t have moved if I’d wanted to, and I think was the deal breaker. I COULDN’T HAVE MOVED IF I’D WANTED TO. I can’t even begin to tell you what that triggered inside me other than within seconds I was yelling “get me out of here!!!”.

Gotta say the staff were great, said it happens all the time, even to people who have had no problems with previous MRIs… one day suddenly they can’t. And so they suggested I make a new appointment for their “open MRI” but they couldn’t guarantee it would be better for me because, instead of 15 minutes, it would take close to an hour. Of not moving. Inside a machine. Also, often results from the open machine aren’t as precise.

I don’t know what to do. I made the appointment for the open machine for May 4th but meanwhile will talk with my GP (we already have a phone appt set up for next week). This is all about chronic shoulder and arm pain that has been going on for years, right shoulder and arm. Sometimes I feel almost normal, other times I want to cry it hurts so much, and there is now an almost constant tingling sensation in my right arm and hand. GP thinks it’s a nerve. Sucks, but if it means going back into that metal coffin… I honestly don’t think I can do it.

So I will wait and see what other info and options I get. This is not the worst of my present health issues, but ironically it’s the one that got seen to first. Meanwhile, been waiting to see the orthopaedic surgeon SINCE FUCKING OCTOBER. But next week I am going to get a Holter strapped onto me. And tomorrow is Mammogram Day. The fun never stops around here.