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Category Archives: death & dying

lumpy

01 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, health & happiness

≈ 27 Comments

Tags

cancer, cats, health, home, tumours, vets

[click to enlarge]

What’s so weird is that on Thursday afternoon (the day before the tumour burst!) I’d sent these two photos by email to Sledpress to show her just how damn BIG the thing had become, and express my worry about it. Then yesterday – blam! You can read the gory details here.

Since then Azar has been looking much perkier. The best thing being that he has regained the use of his one good front leg and can comfortably sit up again and even walk around much easier. I’m not exaggerating when I say the lump was the size of a baseball – poor Azar couldn’t even straighten out his leg anymore and was in a permanent crouched position. The reason he was sometimes peeing on the sofa was that, once there, he didn’t want to have to jump down to get to the box because it hurt too much. I had started carrying him to the box at regular intervals but couldn’t always be there, but when he was left overnight this week he had no problem as he stayed on a blanket under my bed with the litter box nearby.

The wound still looks messy, but Azar is a good healer. And he so intensely loves being alive. I am starting to wonder if his tumour is even malignant, because something that big should have killed him by now if it was. Could it just be a nasty cyst? Anyhow, he has been snatched back from the brink and is now happily snoozing away. I’ll be taking him to the vet’s this morning because I think the wound needs to be properly dressed and he may need to take antibiotics to stave off infection.

One thing is for sure. If this had happened while I was away in Córdoba, or even just away for the afternoon, he probably would have died. He was in such a panic and hyperventilating that without me there to clean him up and calm him down I don’t think he’d still be here. So lucky! But hey, that’s his name. Azar.

calmosedan

09 Thursday Aug 2012

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cancer, cats, death & dying, love

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

cats, death, life, love

Bought some of this today…

I was hoping to get something I could inject but was told that wouldn’t be legal. I can see that. But apparently if I give Azar two of these “when his time comes” then he’ll be so drowsy that he won’t know he’s on his way to the vet’s.

I also bought some wet food hoping that might pique his interest a bit. And then picked up some asparagus on the way home.

Now I’m going to bed early because these days that’s the only time Azar will come out from under the bed. When he knows I’m there lying down and ready to give him a cuddle just how he likes it. He also lets me feed him in bed. Little weirdo. Well, whatever it takes. Even getting up for 3am feedings.

Because it’s not quite his time yet.

pat

18 Wednesday Jul 2012

Posted by azahar in cancer, death & dying, friends, life stuff

≈ 15 Comments

Tags

cancer, death, friends, life, love


You changed my life and I’ll always love you, Pat.
My friend, my sister, my hero…

happy mondays

16 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by azahar in cancer, death & dying, friends, life stuff, love

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

cancer, death, friends, life, mondays

Awhile ago I created a #happymondays Twitter hashtag to greet people with on Monday mornings, since so many people seem to really hate Mondays. But not me. I always see Monday as a fresh start to a new week full of possibilities. I reckon it’s probably 50/50 the number of people I either annoy or cheer up with my whole Happy Monday thing, but what the heck, it’s fun.

Then this morning I woke up and, as usual, had a look through my emails on the iPhone while still in bed. And I got the news I’ve been dreading for some time now, though it still hit me like a ton of bricks, that my friend Pat is in hospital and “fading fast”, heavily sedated due to being in so much pain. In a flash I went from not wanting to lose her to wishing she would let go soon so that she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. And then I decided I would have a Happy Monday anyhow, or as much as I could manage through my tears, because I knew Pat would like that. Going out for a walk now…

How’s your Monday been so far?

no tengo cancer

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by azahar in cancer, change, death & dying, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

≈ 14 Comments

Tags

4th cancerversary, cancer, hospitals

Four years ago today I wrote this blog post about doubling over in pain and ending up at the hospital, only to be told I had gas and be sent home again. Well, most of you know the story by now. After two more emergency hospital visits they finally admitted me for testing and then raced me over to the general hospital for a life-saving operation that involved removing an obstruction and about half my colon.

And that wasn’t the end of the story as I ended up having two more operations and being on chemo twice, finishing at the end of July 2009. Since then I have been miraculously cancer-free according to the PET scans I’ve been having twice a year. The next one is due in September. And for the most part I feel good, though I still get abdominal discomfort from time to time. Oh, and there was also that freak emergency op last summer, which thankfully didn’t end up being cancer-related.

And so I wonder why I am still okay while my friends Pat and Jed are not. And I wonder how long I’ll be okay. Four years ago I’d gone to the Feria in Jerez the weekend before all this started and saw this graffiti on a wall near the train station that said “I have cancer”. I don’t know what moved me to take a photo of it, but here it is again, slightly – but importantly – modified. I hope I never have to remove the “no”.

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