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Category Archives: hope

change ahead

21 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by azahar in diet & nutrition, health & happiness, home, hope, sevilla, work

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

health, life, mondays, stuff

Change-Ahead
Nothing like spending most of a week stuck in bed and feeling like crap to focus on… other things. And as 2013 is still young, it’s also a good time to think about change and goals for the year to come. My main goal, of course, is to stay cancer-free, though there’s little or (I think) nothing I can do about that. Next PET scan will be in March. Will she get another 6-month reprieve? Stay tuned folks.

In other news, I may have to move! Not because I want to but because I don’t think I can afford to stay where I am. When I first took this place with Peter two years ago the understanding was that he’d be paying half the rent and bills, but unfortunately this isn’t happening. And no, I’m not going to try sharing with a total stranger (been there, too old for that now) so finding a smaller place I can afford on my own might be necessary. It would mean “downsizing” considerably, getting rid of furniture and probably my books – at least two rooms full of “stuff” – but at this point I’m ready to do whatever I have to. My food tours are really taking off but, you know, I don’t want to work my butt off and then still end up going into debt just so Peter can have a roof over his head. And the truth is that I don’t use the upstairs room or terrace much, since I spend most of the day working in the “livingroom office”. Anyhow, I’m just getting myself psyched up for this in case I have to move. There will be no rash decisions. So again, stay tuned.

On the bright side, I discovered this morning that I lost 2.5 kilos this past week! Which more than takes care of the “Christmas excess”, and kinda inspires me to keep on with the light eating thing. I’m still not quite ready to get back to the gym but, considering I lost this weight while mostly being curled up in the foetal position, I’m beginning to think there’s something to the theory that exercise, while good for maintaining general health and fitness, really isn’t such a big factor when it comes to weight loss.

So it looks like another day mostly at home, although it’s very blue and shiny out there and I’d love to get out. But I now have The Cough (which apparently happens around Day 6) and my chest feels like a fat dwarf – or Loki – is sitting on it. And without warning I start hacking away, which I do my best to stop, and have been pleased to discover that by careful breathing I’m actually able to stop it a lot of the time. But sometimes not and it feels like I’m going to turn myself inside out. A friend told me he coughed so bad during the Coughing Stage that he pulled a muscle in his armpit! Anyhow, I have two meetings tomorrow morning and am giving a friend a blog class in the evening, so I reckon another day at home is prudent.

What’s new with you guys? Have you got any plans happening?

hope 2014

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by azahar in cancer, friends, home, hope, life stuff, love

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

hope, life

hope 2014

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to do the same next year.

happy 2013!

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by azahar in friends, holidays, home, hope, life stuff

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

2013, new year

new year 2013
Rooftop BBQ lunch coming up today, which I think should become a new casa az tradition.
How are you celebrating New Year’s Day?

f_bubbly.giff_bubbly.giff_bubbly.gif

grave matters

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by azahar in cats, change, death & dying, home, hope, life stuff

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

cats, death, life, love

When Azar died I said in another blog post that I finally understood why people want to believe in Heaven, and I also finally understood the concept of graves. Ever since I made the somewhat rash decision to bury Azar in a square near my house I realised that I actually took comfort in him still being “close to home” and that I can see the trees from my bedroom window and know that he is resting below them. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know it’s just his remains there, but I somehow need him to be nearby.

I actually waited almost two weeks before I revisited his grave, in case it had been disturbed, because I didn’t know what I’d do if Azar was no longer there. But I found it just as we’d left it, and since then I’ve wandered by many times and stop to say a few words.

My most beautiful boy.

enjoying a sunbeam

11 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by azahar in animals & pets, cats, death & dying, home, hope

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

cats, death, home, life

Here is the best cat in the world enjoying a sunbeam this morning. To be honest, I thought Azar wasn’t going to still be alive when I woke up today (not that I slept much!). In fact, the past two nights I’ve barely slept because he’s been tossing and turning and sometimes crying out, totally breaking my heart. I would have taken him to the vet’s yesterday but I had my own hospital day, plus a tapas tour in the evening. So today I brought him in to see Eva just to get another opinion on whether it was time to let Azar go, though when I saw him looking so content in that sunbeam I hoped there was still more I could do.

Well, the sad thing is that Eva does think that Azar is probably on his way out. Since the trauma of his exploding tumour, about ten days ago, he’s stopped eating on his own and has to be fed using a syringe. And then on Sunday he stopped drinking on his own, which was the thing he always used to do no matter what. Eva said cats with kidney problems go through a lot of low periods, but then rally again. The thing that’s hard to know now is whether this is a low time because of the whole tumour thing, which has left his only good front leg too weak to walk on, not to mention the pain involved, or whether he’s just had enough.

The good thing about taking him in this morning is that I now have a time-frame and treatment regimen to work with. I still need to keep changing the bandages 2-3 times a day – the wound is almost completely healed, which Eva still can’t believe – and I was told to keep feeding him the same amount of food I’ve been giving him (was very glad to hear I’d been giving him the right amount!). Now I also have to start giving him 20 mls of water a day, in 5 ml doses. If I do all that and by Friday there is no improvement then it will be time to say goodbye.

I did wonder if it was time to say goodbye this morning, until I saw him in the sunbeam and thought “not just yet”.

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