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Category Archives: hope

it’s just a cold, right?

02 Thursday Apr 2020

Posted by azahar in coronavirus, health & happiness, home, hope

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

casa azahar, coronavirus, covid-19, health, home

Exactly three weeks ago today I woke up to birdsong in the lovely guesthouse next to Bodegas Bentomiz. I also woke up with a killer sore throat that felt like I was swallowing shards of glass. Another cold? Or was it that virus we’d been hearing about? This was two days before the national lockdown so most of us still had little idea how serious the situation actually was. Anyhow, since then this “cold” has persisited, and has been having quite the journey, visiting various parts of my body. The sore throat morphed into a very sneezy sinus thing with blocked ears and tinnitus, loss of sense of smell and taste, back to the throat, then a cough (not a dry one!) with slight tightness in the chest, then whatever. I can’t remember all the pitstops it’s made. Anyhow… IT’S STILL WITH ME.

But this morning was the first time I worried because the Throat is back (really ouch!) this time with a very distinct heavy feeling lower down, just below the clavicle, and at this moment I’m not sure if the chest tightness I’m feeling is due to illness or anxiety. Still no fever though so fingers crossed.

Because I always have sinus issues going on it’s not that uncommon for a cold to take root like this and take forever to go away, but this usually happens mid-winter not spring. Meanwhile I’m keeping my hands away from my face as much as possible (seriously, not easy!) and washing the hands way more with each passing day. I’ve also stopped going to the supermarket, with my only outings a quick five minute rubbish dump every 5 days or so. And yet this damn thing persists and keeps upping its game. I’m not kidding guys, if more than a day or so goes by without a post on this silly blog of mine, please get in touch, just in case.

Stay home. Stay safe.

anxiety alert

18 Tuesday Feb 2020

Posted by azahar in health & happiness, home, hope

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

anxiety, depression, hope, mental health

Part of the many issues surrounding “invisible” medical conditions such as depression and anxiety is that they are, well, invisible. This means not only are most people unaware that someone they know might be suffering from this, but even after they are told, they somehow don’t quite believe it. I think it’s a bit like “the stupid things people say” when they find out someone has a nasty illness like cancer. And while I’ve talked at length here and elsewhere about my cancer story, I have not often mentioned the anxiety thing. But today it seems relevant because of a couple of recent experiences.

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hope 2021

03 Friday Jan 2020

Posted by azahar in hope, life stuff

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

hope, life

On January 3rd 2009 I posted a photo of my battered old daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it, as a weekly Photo Challenge I was doing at the time – the theme that week was Hope. Having just finished a second stint of chemo a few months previously this felt like a very bold – and hopeful – thing to do.

Since then I have continued the “tradition of hope” and have posted a similar photo on this date each year. So, as always, here’s hoping that I will still be here January 3rd 2021, and will see this page in my book… and then post my hopeful wish for 2022.  🙂

finally!

06 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, sevilla

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cancer, health, hospitals, sevilla

Fingers crossed!

ct scan results

12 Tuesday Nov 2019

Posted by azahar in cancer, hope, hospitals, sevilla

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

cancer, ct scan, health, hospitals, sevilla

Picked up my CT scan results today. I’m so glad my GP will print out a copy for me once the report has been uploaded onto the hospital database. Then I type it out in Spanish and put it through google translate (with medical terminology it’s pretty accurate). And then I read it. Because I know it will be weeks before I get another appointment with my oncologist and it’s good not to feel in the dark all that time.

Anyhow, remember last year after my November 2018 CT scan when my oncologist told me I was fine now, cancer free for ten years, so I didn’t need any more scans, but you know, I should come back if I’m ever in pain? And I thought, fuck that shit, by the time you are in pain with cancer you are practically dead (as I found out back in 2008).

So I convinced her to at least let me have an ultrasound, which happened late last summer. And guess what? They saw something on my liver that they felt warranted an MRI. Meanwhile, my mystery pain came back (again!), so then my oncologist agreed to another CT scan, instead of an MRI, which she said was a more “complete” test.

All I can say is… damn good thing I am still getting tested! The report from last week’s scan is a mixed bag of inconclusiveness, but there is concern about “this and that”, so it looks like more testing is on the horizon. Not going to go into details now since nothing has been confirmed, but they could not entirely rule out more cancer, along with a few other new “issues” which have kind of left me reeling. On the other hand, it may all be nothing but inflammation from previous operations and illnesses. Me? I’ve gone numb. And am keeping on with my daily walks. There’s nothing else I can do for the moment.

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