Tag Archives: health

beer o’clock therapy

06 Tuesday Aug 2024

Posted by in health, health & happiness, sevilla, tapas, tapas bars

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beer oclock therapy

I guess I should have known something was up when I barely managed to drag myself out for an evening walk last Friday and after that spent two entire days hiding out at home. I say “hiding out” because that’s what it felt like. I blamed my KNEE because, frankly, walking hurts like fuck. But there was something else going on, I think. And maybe that’s what led to yesterday’s HOME PANIC ATTACK.

Today started off fine. I managed a reasonable 5 hours of sleep (4 + 1 later on) and felt okay. Got my “office work” out of the way and then did a good cardio chair workout. But then what? Early afternoon is when I prefer to go out. Sometimes for lunch, or to go shopping and run errands, getting those steps in before it get too hot. But I wasn’t feeling it and just when I was about to cave and stay home I remembered that I hadn’t posted a Beer O’clock pic on Instagram since last Friday. OMG.

Thing is, people often think I am eating (and drinking) out every day because I post photos on my Sevilla Tapas social media accounts every day. But… hey, that’s my job. And I mean, that’s the “magic” of social media of course, nothing is ever as it seems. EXCEPT my Beer O’clock photos. Those are the only photos I upload in real time (no cheating!).

And so that’s what got me dressed and out the door today, FUCK THE KNEE. I mean, whatever it takes, right? And well, it was fine. I’m glad I went out, but I’m not gonna lie, it hurt like crazy and I had to keep stopping for a break, literally gasping in pain at times. But I got to sit at the bar in Las Teresas, have a frosty cold beer, chat with the barman and the owner and feel like I always do in these lovely Sevilla bars of mine… totally at home. Worth it.

panic makes a house call

05 Monday Aug 2024

Posted by in casa azahar, health, health & happiness, sevilla

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panic

Something happened today and I wasn’t sure if I would talk about it here but after telling my friend Kate (aka @sledpress) it seemed okay to also share it with you guys. Some of you know that for years (since I was about 14 actually) I’ve suffered from panic attacks/agoraphobia, no doubt a result of chronic anxiety that has been with me since childhood. Oddly or otherwise the attacks pretty much went away during and post cancer (I guess almost dying kind of knocked them out of the ballpark in terms of things I had to worry about). That is until about five years later (2016) during a trip to London when I was hit with an overwhelming panic attack while crossing Trafalgar Square. And just like that they were back.

These days they have become less frequent but they still lurk menacingly in the background. Crossing bridges can still be fraught, also sudden changes in light. But this morning I had this happen to me while sitting at my desk and it especially scared the fuck out of me because, well, I don’t get panic attacks at home! This is my safe place. Or it’s supposed to be and has been until now. Anyhow, suddenly I started feeling disconnected from “reality” and there was a huge surge of panic rising in my solar plexus and that old feeling like I am dissolving and have no skin anymore… absolutely terrifying. No words can actually describe it. I don’t know how I “came back” but lots of deep breathing, some distraction therapy and then doing a chair workout… and phew. The worst of it was over.

I tried telling Peter and he just looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights, though later he came out of his room and gave me a hug. What can I say, he’s not really a hugger, but it was nice that he tried. Then I told Kate on whatsapp and I felt better knowing that she would read it and understand. Later, when we were on similar “awake times” we chatted a bit and that also helped a lot.

Had it been a typical episode, crossing a bridge or just being blindsided out in the street, I would have retreated to my lovely Casa Azahar knowing that at least I am safe here. But now? There never used to be any triggers here at home and it’s well documented that the fearful anticipation of a panic attack happening again from being in a similar situation… well, it can cause them to happen again.

I need to fight this, just not sure how to go about it yet. And no, this is not exactly how I had hoped to spend the second half of my Staycation but here we are. I mean, maybe it was a one off, maybe it won’t happen again at home. But now I’ve lost my trust in my home being my safe place. My refuge. Dammit.

breathing

15 Monday Jul 2024

Posted by in casa azahar, home, life stuff, sevilla staycation

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breathing

I usually scroll past these “mindfulness quotes” when they pop up on my social media but for some reason I stopped to read this one and… ufff. Over the weekend I’d been starting to panic that the first week of my staycation was almost over and what had I done with all that TIME? What did I have to show for it? I was already feeling like I was letting myself down. So even though I know it’s corny, this helped remind me to take time to breathe. It’s okay.

chair workouts

28 Friday Jun 2024

Posted by in welcome

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chair workouts

I’ve mentioned this woman and her YouTube channel before, since I first started off looking for exercise options that didn’t require me getting on the floor (I mean, I could get down there but I wouldn’t get back up again!). I’ve tried a few others but Lauren’s videos are not only safe and sensible, she’s also not “overly enthusiastic” if you know what I mean. And now that I’ve decided to take most of the summer off, well what better time to get back into (almost) daily exercise routines.

What I like best are the options. I can choose a simple 15 minute yoga stretch or short pilates core session, or go for a 35 minute cardio with weights session which, trust me, is a full-on work out. She also offers standing options, which I can also do (except for lunges) and the best thing is that I can this at home, when it suits me.

Ideally I’d be doing this every day but you know… life. I’m trying really hard not to beat myself up if I miss a day because the whole point is to enjoy this, and also my extra free time this summer. It’s still early days, so I’m hoping I’ll get into the swing of this.

feeling a bit hopeful again…

24 Monday Jun 2024

Posted by in health, hope, hospitals, knee saga, knees

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hoping

You may recall that after the disastrous episodes with the Traumatologist and the Endo, and the ongoing issues with Heartless GP (who just keeps telling me I’m fat), I was feeling pretty let down and not sure what to do next in terms of my health concerns. Then I remembered I still had one more blood test available, so I booked that a couple of weeks ago and afterwards made an appointment to see my GP again to go over the results and hopefully to also see if I could get some actual help with my fucked up knee. Made the appt online and was surprised to see that I would be seeing a different GP and a glimmer of hope started to break through.

And so I went off to see New GP today. We talked over the blood test results and my medication. I told her I am only taking the BP meds because I’d had three different doctors tell me three different things about the other meds and she kind of smirked knowingly at that. So we took them one by one. My blood pressure is still a bit high but she said it was fine to stay on the present meds for now (she wants me to check in again in December at which point she’ll also order another blood test). Re: statins (for cholesterol) and metformin (sugar) she agreed with my oncologist that neither of these were necessary as I am kind of “borderline” and in fact my cholesterol has gone down a bit since October. I told her I had been making some diet changes and taking some supplements, and she seemed to think I was making good progress but that we will check it again in six months.

Then it was on to my knee. I told her the whole story and finally said that I really didn’t want to be living on painkillers, the only treatment so far offered to me, and I wondered if it would be possible to get an MRI for my right knee. I said to her maybe then they could figure out if there is any kind of physio or other treatment I could get because so far I felt like nobody has been helping me and the pain is so bad now that I can’t even climb stairs anymore. She immediately put in a request for an MRI and said I’d get a call telling me when the appointment would be. As for treatment she said that my best bet was probably going to be surgery but first things first.

And omg I almost cried. It’s been so long since a doctor has actually listened to me that I almost couldn’t believe it was happening. And she didn’t once mention my weight. I actually brought it up when we were talking about diet and cholesterol saying that of course I know I need to lose weight and she said I could try walking a bit more and cutting down on fats when cooking (this led to a chat about my air fryer) but she said the drop in cholesterol was a positive. In contrast Heartless GP, the Endo and Trauma Doc all made it seem like being fat was the reason EVERYTHING was happening to me. Not helpful.

And so there is a plan now. And I feel so very relieved. All I needed was a little support and now that I have it I feel like I can move forward with this. Getting my knees back would certainly help with getting back to my 10,000 step walks, meanwhile will keep on with my chair yoga/pilates and yeah, am also going to start tweaking the diet a bit more. Amazing what a little hope will do.