Tag Archives: health

on travelling (and living) with anxiety

23 Thursday May 2019

Posted by in cancer, friends, getaways, health & happiness

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crossing bridges…

As I put together the posts for last week’s London Getaway (done after I got home) I realised I was almost enjoying the visit more in retrospect than when I was actually there. Don’t get me wrong – it was wonderful meeting up with my friends, and going to the Spanish Embassy party was an amazing experience. And Nicola’s apartment was lovely. But when I wasn’t with friends or otherwise occupied I felt quite stressed and anxious most of the time. In fact, this anxiety started about a week before I left, since I am actually terrified of flying. I was lucky that Peter agreed to stay over while I was gone to take care of the cats, as that was one less thing to worry about. But still, I was very nervous about my trip to London, even before I got there.

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prepping for london

02 Thursday May 2019

Posted by in london

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So I not only get NERVOUS about travelling, I also get a bit panicky about GETTING EVERYTHING DONE… to wit, got my hair cut! Though as you can see by this selfie taken in the lift at my house yesterday, still have to touch up those grey roots. Also need a pedicure, have to sort out wardrobe (thinking it won’t be so warm there) and organise all the work stuff re: tours, etc. I’ll be taking my little travel pc notebook with me, but hope to have the most important things taken care of before I leave.

I’ve been almost at the point of cancelling the whole thing a few times, thinking I’d only lose the airfare, then could focus on work, since I’m not really financially in a good place for a week abroad. Of course staying at Nicola’s is what makes this even remotely possible, but London is an expensive city and blah-blah-blah…

But the REAL reason I’m hesitating is that I’m afraid of being afraid… remembering that day in Trafalgar Square a few years ago when I was hit out of the blue with a full-blown panic attack. The first I’d had since CANCER. Because frankly, when you have cancer, panic attacks can go fuck themselves. So it not only took me by surprise, but it also took over a bit. I got scared about going out, in case it happened again, that vicious circle that almost guarantees it WILL happen again.

So far I’m still going. Updates as they happen…

sick day

13 Saturday Apr 2019

Posted by in health & happiness, home

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So there I was, about 2/3 through a tapas tour, when I started to feel a bit woozy. Then when we got to our final bar my stomach started cramping and I was decidedly not okay. But I soldiered on and, luckily, my group had been up since 3am to catch their flight to Sevilla, so they didn’t linger after finishing their desserts. I walked them most of the way back to their hotel as it was on my way home, feeling worse and worse with each step, but still managing to be chatty. But as soon as I got home… WHAM.

Thus started a long night of violent vomiting, diarhhea, fever, sweating and shivering. This morning I felt totally wrung out and only managed to sit up for a couple of hours before heading back to bed. Finally woke up again around 5.00 thinking I needed to eat something, and for some reason that something had to be boiled potatoes. But even that simple meal rushed right through me and now I need to lie down again. Everything is aching… my eyes, my fingers.

Sad to have missed a lovely day planned with Kalé and her mother, who just got into town, which was going to include a horse carriage ride and lunch. But somehow I don’t think I’ll be eating out again for awhile.

floaters and flashes

19 Monday Nov 2018

Posted by in health & happiness, hospitals, sevilla

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About a month or so ago I went to see my GP Agustín because I had suddenly developed floaters in my right eye, accompanied by flashing lights in the right hand corner (only noticable when it was dark). So he put in a request for an appointment with the ophthamologist and said they would get in touch. Then I started getting those flashing zig-zaggy prisms right across my eye, though they didn’t last long. But the point was that things weren’t getting any better and I still hadn’t heard from the specialist about my appointment.

The reason I wasn’t super worried about it was because this very same thing happened to me almost exactly 9 years ago. And I got it checked out and it was nothing, and eventually went away. But after having mentioned this here, and also to a couple other friends via email/whatsapp I was suddenly being pressured (in the kindest way possible) to GET IT CHECKED OUT. Because the threat of retina damage and vision loss is actually quite a real one. So I checked again with my GP this morning, and he agreed I should go to Emergency, so I hopped into a taxi and found myself once again at my least favourite place in Sevilla.

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