Category Archives: change

remembering to love

09 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, change, death & dying, home, love

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Remember Azar having a drink out of his special glass after brekky a couple of months ago? That was before things (literally) blew up with the tumour and it seemed like he’d still be around for a good while. He always took care to make sure he got lots to drink and for the past couple of years he’d had a few different drinking glasses, but this was his last one.

After he died it was so hard to let go of little things and so when it came time to either toss this glass or find a new use for it I decided to fill it up permenantly and leave it on the top shelf in the bathroom where I always used to keep it, waiting for Azar to come and ask for a drink.

Sometimes seeing it makes me sad, other times it makes me smile, but it always makes me remember how much I loved bringing him a drink and telling him what a clever boy he was. Nothing else I was doing would ever be more important and it was always good to stop and have those few precious moments. I think it’s good to be reminded of that.

grave matters

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by in cats, change, death & dying, home, hope, life stuff

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When Azar died I said in another blog post that I finally understood why people want to believe in Heaven, and I also finally understood the concept of graves. Ever since I made the somewhat rash decision to bury Azar in a square near my house I realised that I actually took comfort in him still being “close to home” and that I can see the trees from my bedroom window and know that he is resting below them. I know it doesn’t make any sense, and I know it’s just his remains there, but I somehow need him to be nearby.

I actually waited almost two weeks before I revisited his grave, in case it had been disturbed, because I didn’t know what I’d do if Azar was no longer there. But I found it just as we’d left it, and since then I’ve wandered by many times and stop to say a few words.

My most beautiful boy.

comfort cats

27 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, change, home

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Ever since Azar died the two young’uns have a new post-breakfast routine – they now come up onto my bed for a cuddle and a snooze. Well, by that I mean they let me cuddle them. Azar used to come back to bed after brekky, snuggle right up to me and DEMAND a cuddle. Well, poco á poco. I’m still waiting for those two to start sleeping with me. My bed is just way too big and lonely…

no tengo cancer

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by in cancer, change, death & dying, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

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Four years ago today I wrote this blog post about doubling over in pain and ending up at the hospital, only to be told I had gas and be sent home again. Well, most of you know the story by now. After two more emergency hospital visits they finally admitted me for testing and then raced me over to the general hospital for a life-saving operation that involved removing an obstruction and about half my colon.

And that wasn’t the end of the story as I ended up having two more operations and being on chemo twice, finishing at the end of July 2009. Since then I have been miraculously cancer-free according to the PET scans I’ve been having twice a year. The next one is due in September. And for the most part I feel good, though I still get abdominal discomfort from time to time. Oh, and there was also that freak emergency op last summer, which thankfully didn’t end up being cancer-related.

And so I wonder why I am still okay while my friends Pat and Jed are not. And I wonder how long I’ll be okay. Four years ago I’d gone to the Feria in Jerez the weekend before all this started and saw this graffiti on a wall near the train station that said “I have cancer”. I don’t know what moved me to take a photo of it, but here it is again, slightly – but importantly – modified. I hope I never have to remove the “no”.

tough love

20 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by in animals & pets, cats, change, home

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So remember back when I thought I had Luna protected by putting up plastic mesh on the balconies? Well that was before she became an escapista, climbing everything in sight. That is, when she’s not hurling herself through the air and sticking like velcro to soft furnishings, or stealing biscuits out from under Azar’s nose while he’s eating, or doing a tight-rope style walk along the top of the tv in my bedroom, or… well, you’re getting the picture. This little ninja kitten needs disciplining!

Thing is, she is impervious to “angry voice” and the snapping of fingers, which always used to work with Sunny, and also works with Loki. And if, for example, I shut her in my bedroom while Azar eats, she gets into my closet and starts climbing my clothes or does the tv thing. And so I have resorted to something I have never had to do before – use spray bottle aversion tactics on her. I did wonder if this would have any effect as she clearly doesn’t mind getting her paws wet, but luckily it turns out she totally hates getting sprayed.

As I’ve often said, I don’t worry much about things like furniture and curtains, but when it comes to annoying habits, and especially safety, one has to draw the line. So spray bottle offences include: climbing up the railings on the balconies, stealing Azar’s food, jumping up on kitchen counter, and climbing my bookcase/scrabbling at closet doors at 6.00 in the morning hoping that I’ll get up and feed everyone. And guess what? It’s working!

Nobody is more surprised than I am. This morning while Azar had his umpteenth snack (he has turned into a real grazer and requires several small feedings a day) Luna sat on the sofa while we stared at each other and, although I could see she was getting twitchy listening to Azar crunching away, she didn’t budge. And it’s been a few days since she’s tried the bedroom bookcase stunt. Now I just hope she’ll stop climbing the railings…