Category Archives: health & happiness

going bald!

28 Wednesday Oct 2020

Posted by in hair, health & happiness

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baldy

I’m going bald! It’s really quite upsetting because although my hair has always been thin, and has been getting thinner for a few years now, it’s become obviously much thinner – I’m talking actually see-through top and centre – over the past couple of months. At first I thought I was imagining it, or it was maybe stress-related and would grow back. Nuh-uh!

So… what can I do? I’ve been looking up treatments online, but there doesn’t seem to be much out there that isn’t just snake oil. Plus I don’t know the actual cause, other than age and probably menopause. But why the sudden massive hair loss recently? I suppose it could be a thyroid thing because I do have some issues there. But I mean, c’mon. I’m already having enough self-esteem issues from being FAT and OLD without adding BALD to the equation. Fucking 2020.

what’s your superpower?

16 Friday Oct 2020

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hospitals

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superpowers

So I picked up my latest CT scan results yesterday and it was the clearest of “all clears” I’ve had in a few years. Not sure what this means yet as I still have to see the oncologist. But it looks like maybe I won’t need to be tested again for awhile. The scary fistula leaking gack into my abdomen seems to have healed on its own and there is no evidence of any metastasis in lungs or abdomen. Okay, my cholesterol is still higher than it should be and my liver is a bit fatty (like the rest of me) but these don’t seem to be immediately life-threatening. Unless I get Covid of course, then I’m a goner.

Meanwhile I can’t help but think that after more than 12 years of radioactive substances being either beamed or injected into my system on a regular basis I should at least get a superpower out of this.

If you could have a superpower what would it be?

fucks sake

15 Thursday Oct 2020

Posted by in health & happiness, hospitals

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fucks sake (1)

I have always been SO CAREFUL with my mandolin. I use that little guard thingy so my hands don’t get anywhere near the blades, never slice veg while under the influence, etc. Except for yesterday. Don’t ask. I had thinly sliced some potatoes, then some onions (without the guard as the onions are pointy and, again, hand doesn’t get near the blade). Then I decided to do one more potato and, yep, forgot to use the guard thingy and … BLOOD EVERYWHERE. Seriously, it was like a teen slasher film in my kitchen.

Eventually got the blood staunched and managed to find some alcohol to disinfect the wound (gaaahh, with a big chunk of skin just barely hanging on), found some gauze and a few bandaids and, well, you can see the result above. I covered it with more gauze when I went to bed, but in the morning it was still quite throbby and frankly I wasn’t keen on taking off the bandaging again without professional supervision.

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world mental health day

10 Saturday Oct 2020

Posted by in health & happiness

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Hey, it’s World Mental Health Day folks! That means that for the other 3 out of 4 of you… well, I guess we have to remind you about it. Again.

Yeah, I get it. Was the same when I had cancer. Makes people uncomfortable, they end up saying inappropriate and sometimes hurtful things, and so we end up not saying much either, even when feeling just a little bit understood would make all the difference.

And hey, not really your fault guys, since we are all conditioned to not show the cracks, to keep a stiff upper lip, to appear NORMAL at all costs.

But you know what? Sometimes that costs too much.

Last time I “opened up” to someone about the shitty time I was experiencing one day a couple of months ago their response was that I should talk to a professional. So I’ve pretty much buttoned up since then. Well, except for here. I can say whatever I want here, which is the whole point of this blog.

All my adult life (since I left home at 15) I have heard this…
“But you always look so strong and calm”.

Well guess what? It’s called a coping mechanism.

For those of you who know what this is like, how it feels to be told this, remember that you’re not alone. And that asking for help is not weakness (I’m still working on that last one).

It’s only been recently (post cancer) that I’ve been able to admit to suffering from chronic, sometimes crippling, anxiety, even though it’s been with me since I was a child growing up in an abusive home. I’m still not doing great with it, should probably be doing things better, but today I am doing this. Letting you know you are not alone. Just keep talking.   ❤

la puerta de jerez

29 Tuesday Sep 2020

Posted by in health & happiness, home, hospitals

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So I had my CT scan today at 5 pm, which is a bit of an awkward hour because I always like to “treat” myself after a hospital ordeal, either going out for a tapita or a cold beer. But as I was in and out in fifteen minutes that meant that all the bars (or ones that I would want to go to) were closed.

So I walked home to get my steps in, taking photos along the way to send my friend Julie @woollygee, who was virtually walking home with me via Whatsapp. Anyhow, this photo op caught my eye because of the colourful flowers. I guess despite the pandemic city workers are still keeping Sevilla beautiful. Should have scan results late next week.