Category Archives: hope

paying it forward…

04 Sunday Jul 2010

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, hospitals

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Most of you know how rich I have been in gifts these past couple of years since I got sick. Gifts of all sorts – friendship, money, presents, visits, and especially patience & understanding – and of course a lot of this sort of generosity usually can’t be paid back in kind. But you can pay it forward.

I got a chance to do this the other day. After my wild night out on Thursday, Nog & I were coming home around 1.30 in the morning and I was surprised to see an old friend, Pepe, standing outside Bar Campanario. He used to own the place, but for years now it’s been run by my friend Maria Paz, with some help from her sister Elena. And suddenly there was everyone out in the street at this strange hour. I hadn’t seen Pepe in a couple of years and when I asked how he was doing it was a shock to hear that he’d just found out he has cancer…

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permission to be happy

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by in cancer, change, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, home, hope

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Awhile ago on a particularly pleasant day I said to Nog, “I feel so happy that it scares me” … and we both laughed. Since then, and especially since my good news on Monday, I just can’t shake this happy feeling. I think it started when I found out I had to wait another two weeks until the PET scan and I decided to just enjoy the hell out of those two weeks and treat them as a “holiday from cancer”. In other words, I gave myself permission to be happy. And well, okay, I got pretty nervous the weekend before the scan, but now that I know I have at least six months before I have to face that particular dragon again, I am going ahead with extending this cancer holiday season until then. And damn it feels good. No, not suddenly like everything is all sunshine and butterflies, but a huge weight has been lifted and I feel like I can really breathe again. Like I can finally be myself.

Turns out I’m actually quite nice once you get to know me.  🙂

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lunch at manolo’s

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in cancer, death & dying, food & drink, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, restaurants, sevilla

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Manolo Leon’s restaurant/bar is about half-way between the hospital and my place. In fact, it’s right across the street from where Susan (aka Pipocas) used to live. And some of you may recall that it was where I went for the post prognosis party back in October 2008, when I was – mistakenly! – told that my cancer was untreatable and I had maybe a year to live. On that occasion Nog, Pablo and I splashed out on a gorgeously decadent lunch and later on met Susan for cocktails at a smart little bar across the street. So it seemed appropriate to stop off there on the way home from receiving my GOOD NEWS yesterday …
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scanxiety

28 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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After ALL THAT WAITING it’s finally time for the next PET scan today. My appointment is for 8am, which is very good as it means I will be the first one in. Had one 3pm appointment last year and ended up having to wait two hours just to be put in the comfy chair to have the FDG injected (after that it’s about a 3-4 hour process). Also, it’s crap waiting all day at home to go for the test – much better to just get up and go in the morning and look forward to having that first coffee after the first scan has been done (they usually put me through twice, though last time it was three times).

I’ve had pretty bad scanxiety this time. I really don’t think I could cope with having to go on chemo again, though of course that’s not even the worst case scenario. I worry they might find tumours in untreatable places … the walking time bomb feeling  just doesn’t go away. And of course it gets worse as it gets closer to scan time. So I’ve pretty much been a nervous wreck this past month, though I’ve mostly been able to enjoy myself, especially these past couple of weeks. Until yesterday.

Gaelen, I know that your strong thoughts will be there with me.
Jed, make sure those wonder twin powers are fully activated, okay?

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I love it when a plan comes together…

21 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by in cancer, food & drink, friends, geekiness, health & happiness, hope, internet, juggling, life stuff, photos, sevilla, work

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… or in my case, several plans.

I didn’t realise what a turning point the trip to Málaga would turn out to be. So again, thanks to everyone who made it possible for me to go without racking up more credit card debt. In the end I only spent money on train fare and two lunches out, so it was a fairly cheap trip, but very rich in experiences. I think it also helped to have a couple of days on my own – and being by the sea certainly helped!

Anyhow, these are the various projects I’ve been working on since I got off chemo last summer: tapas tours, Seville website & blog (with forum), social media management, the Sevilla Store, and English classes (specifically for restaurants). So far the only ones bringing in a bit of income are the tapas tours and social media stuff – my private English classes, such as they were, finished last week for the summer. But it does look as though things are coming together…

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