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Category Archives: hope

scanxiety

28 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

cancer, PET scans

After ALL THAT WAITING it’s finally time for the next PET scan today. My appointment is for 8am, which is very good as it means I will be the first one in. Had one 3pm appointment last year and ended up having to wait two hours just to be put in the comfy chair to have the FDG injected (after that it’s about a 3-4 hour process). Also, it’s crap waiting all day at home to go for the test – much better to just get up and go in the morning and look forward to having that first coffee after the first scan has been done (they usually put me through twice, though last time it was three times).

I’ve had pretty bad scanxiety this time. I really don’t think I could cope with having to go on chemo again, though of course that’s not even the worst case scenario. I worry they might find tumours in untreatable places … the walking time bomb feeling  just doesn’t go away. And of course it gets worse as it gets closer to scan time. So I’ve pretty much been a nervous wreck this past month, though I’ve mostly been able to enjoy myself, especially these past couple of weeks. Until yesterday.

Gaelen, I know that your strong thoughts will be there with me.
Jed, make sure those wonder twin powers are fully activated, okay?

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I love it when a plan comes together…

21 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, food & drink, friends, geekiness, health & happiness, hope, internet, juggling, life stuff, photos, sevilla, work

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

blogs, internet, work

… or in my case, several plans.

I didn’t realise what a turning point the trip to Málaga would turn out to be. So again, thanks to everyone who made it possible for me to go without racking up more credit card debt. In the end I only spent money on train fare and two lunches out, so it was a fairly cheap trip, but very rich in experiences. I think it also helped to have a couple of days on my own – and being by the sea certainly helped!

Anyhow, these are the various projects I’ve been working on since I got off chemo last summer: tapas tours, Seville website & blog (with forum), social media management, the Sevilla Store, and English classes (specifically for restaurants). So far the only ones bringing in a bit of income are the tapas tours and social media stuff – my private English classes, such as they were, finished last week for the summer. But it does look as though things are coming together…

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corpus cristi

07 Monday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in fiestas, friends, holidays, hope, photos, sevilla, spain

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

corpus cristi, seville

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I think Corpus Cristi is my favourite holiday in Sevilla. The main event takes place on a public holiday – always the first Thursday after Trinity Sunday (which is 60 days after Easter). There is a small procession that starts around 8.30 am and finishes at noon. The night before the procession route is strewn with sprigs of rosemary and flower petals, balconies are draped with silk shawls and flowers, shopkeepers try to outdo each other with bread & wine window displays, and altars large and small are also put up. When I first came to Sevilla I was told by Agustín that the best part of Corpus was to get up early and walk the procession route before things got started, when the morning air is still cool and fresh and there aren’t too many people around. I have done this many times, though not every year. In fact, not for the past three years. Last year I was on chemo an unable to get up early (though you may recall I did stupidly go out and move furniture in the HEAT later on that day), the year before I was still recovering from my first operation, and the year before that I was in Lisbon. As always, anniversaries and holidays make me think of times past and I get that bittersweet ache inside, hoping that I will see many more.

So last Thursday I quite enjoyed getting up early and going out with Nog & Jessica, walking the route and then nipping into the Horno San Buenaventura for brekky just as the procession started. As usual, I took lots of photos which you can see in the slideshow above. You can also see some photos taken over the years in this fotki album (the first three taken yonks ago during a wonderful visit from Lizzie). The rosemary and rose petal shots in the slideshow are my favourites. Wish you could have been there.

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five jobs, no income…

02 Wednesday Jun 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, change, home, hope, life stuff, spain, work

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

jobs, work

Will work for money too!

Srsly … hire me?

f_grovel.gif

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a good day

25 Tuesday May 2010

Posted by azahar in cancer, chemo, food & drink, friends, hope, hospitals, neighbours, sevilla, work

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

cancer, friends, hospitals, pet scan, tapas

After all was said and done my “scary” hospital day yesterday turned out quite well. I’d got up early for yoga class and tried to keep busy doing biz stuff at home later, but I was getting more and more nervous as the day went on. And it was silly because I KNEW that this oncology appointment was just going to be about setting up my next PET scan, but unlike going to get my port flushed out (which I can now do on my own!), actually having to talk to the oncologist makes the whole cancer thing feel more real and threatening somehow. But it went well. Had a nice chat with doctor Ana and, after a bit of consternation on her part, she agreed to let me have the scan early in June, which was what I’d been hoping for. I have so many things on the go that I want to know as soon as possible if I’m going to be okay for the next few months. Also, if this next scan is clean, it’ll be the first summer in three years that I haven’t been on chemo…

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