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Category Archives: hope

lockdown day 60

12 Tuesday May 2020

Posted by azahar in casa azahar, coronavirus, home, hope, sevilla

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Tags

coronavirus, covid-19, covidiots, sevilla, sevillalockdown

So yesterday was the first day of Phase 1, part of our government’s poco á poco getting back to work sorta-kinda plan. As of May 11th certain other non-essential businesses were allowed to open (retail shops, hairdressers, etc) as well as bars/restaurants that have outdoor terraces. The ruling was that bars could use 50% capacity of the terrace, that safe distancing must be provided, and that only people who live together can sit together. WELL JUST CHECK OUT THAT PHOTO. One of many pics I saw yesterday online. WTAF.

I don’t even know what to think anymore. Although we were given the green light to go out for individual exercise (walking, running, cycling) on May 2nd, during specific hours, I continued doing my rooftop walks BECAUSE THIS HAPPENED. And although people yesterday seemed focused on that one bar in Nervión pictured above, there were actually many that had flouted the basic rules. My friend Esteban @vermuteriayosoytupadre took the photo below yesterday afternoon in the Alameda de Hércules while he was out delivering his vermouth. And he told me he had called the police on about half a dozen other places he passed.

I even saw a couple of places with my own eyes when I took out the rubbish around 2pm after my rooftop walk. One neighbourhood bar seemed to be doing things properly. Half their normal number of tables were set out with the appropriate spacing between them, staff were gloved and masked. Then I turned the corner and saw another bar with ALL its tables out, no safe spacing, even two tables had been put together to accommodate a larger group (right, they all live together?) and my heart crumpled up a bit. Why are people so bloody stupid and selfish???

Anyhow, that settles it. I’m not going anywhere until the end of the month, other than rubbish runs and very occasional quick supermarket visits. Because even doing those two things put me at risk as too many people are still not wearing masks, and they approach in the street not even half a hockey stick away (often there’s not time or space to get out of their way) so then I get home and have to not only wash my hands but also my clothes (shoes are left outside my apartment door now) and take a long hot soapy shower. Every short outing feels like I’m dodging bullets.

It both scares and angers me, because dammit, I am doing everything right. Is it frustrating being in lockdown? Sure it is. Do I miss “the old life”? More than anything. But am I going to put other people and myself at risk because I want what I want? Because let’s face it, I may also be an asymptomatic carrier. Answer: no fucking way. This is how we’ll die. Not with a bang but a complainy snivelling whiny bleating whimper from those who think they are privileged and immune.

I’m reminded of that particularly stupid line in Braveheart when Mel screams out to his followers… “They may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!”

Dude… really? How does that work?

it’s just a cold, right?

02 Thursday Apr 2020

Posted by azahar in coronavirus, health & happiness, home, hope

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

casa azahar, coronavirus, covid-19, health, home

Exactly three weeks ago today I woke up to birdsong in the lovely guesthouse next to Bodegas Bentomiz. I also woke up with a killer sore throat that felt like I was swallowing shards of glass. Another cold? Or was it that virus we’d been hearing about? This was two days before the national lockdown so most of us still had little idea how serious the situation actually was. Anyhow, since then this “cold” has persisited, and has been having quite the journey, visiting various parts of my body. The sore throat morphed into a very sneezy sinus thing with blocked ears and tinnitus, loss of sense of smell and taste, back to the throat, then a cough (not a dry one!) with slight tightness in the chest, then whatever. I can’t remember all the pitstops it’s made. Anyhow… IT’S STILL WITH ME.

But this morning was the first time I worried because the Throat is back (really ouch!) this time with a very distinct heavy feeling lower down, just below the clavicle, and at this moment I’m not sure if the chest tightness I’m feeling is due to illness or anxiety. Still no fever though so fingers crossed.

Because I always have sinus issues going on it’s not that uncommon for a cold to take root like this and take forever to go away, but this usually happens mid-winter not spring. Meanwhile I’m keeping my hands away from my face as much as possible (seriously, not easy!) and washing the hands way more with each passing day. I’ve also stopped going to the supermarket, with my only outings a quick five minute rubbish dump every 5 days or so. And yet this damn thing persists and keeps upping its game. I’m not kidding guys, if more than a day or so goes by without a post on this silly blog of mine, please get in touch, just in case.

Stay home. Stay safe.

anxiety alert

18 Tuesday Feb 2020

Posted by azahar in health & happiness, home, hope

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

anxiety, depression, hope, mental health

Part of the many issues surrounding “invisible” medical conditions such as depression and anxiety is that they are, well, invisible. This means not only are most people unaware that someone they know might be suffering from this, but even after they are told, they somehow don’t quite believe it. I think it’s a bit like “the stupid things people say” when they find out someone has a nasty illness like cancer. And while I’ve talked at length here and elsewhere about my cancer story, I have not often mentioned the anxiety thing. But today it seems relevant because of a couple of recent experiences.

Continue reading →

hope 2021

03 Friday Jan 2020

Posted by azahar in hope, life stuff

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

hope, life

On January 3rd 2009 I posted a photo of my battered old daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it, as a weekly Photo Challenge I was doing at the time – the theme that week was Hope. Having just finished a second stint of chemo a few months previously this felt like a very bold – and hopeful – thing to do.

Since then I have continued the “tradition of hope” and have posted a similar photo on this date each year. So, as always, here’s hoping that I will still be here January 3rd 2021, and will see this page in my book… and then post my hopeful wish for 2022.  🙂

finally!

06 Friday Dec 2019

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals, sevilla

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Tags

cancer, health, hospitals, sevilla

Fingers crossed!

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