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Tag Archives: hope

hope 2015

03 Friday Jan 2014

Posted by azahar in cancer, friday foto finder, friends, home, hope, life stuff, love

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

beginning, friday foto finder, hope, life

hope 2015 beginning

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to do the same next year.

This photo also serves as this week’s Friday Foto Finder challenge “beginning”… if all goes well this year it will indeed be a new beginning. I will get the chemo port removed, and PET scans will only be once a year. Fingers crossed my friends.

Check out what other Friday Foto Finders are posting over here!

PET scan check-list

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by azahar in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

cancer, hope, hospitals, pet scan, scanxiety

PET-CTOn Tuesday I started wondering why I hadn’t heard back about my next PET-CT scan so I sent a text to Isabel and that very afternoon I got a call telling me that I was scheduled for the scan on Thursday at 8 am. Which is TOMORROW. So well, fuck.

I was mostly okay about this yesterday but today I’ve kind of lost it. I checked again online to see what the proper PET scan prep is and have been sticking to it, even rescheduling tonight’s tapas tour for tomorrow so I could stay in and get an early night. But I’m such a nervous wreck.

I keep thinking about Pat and how, after four years of being cancer-free, she had a recurrence and not long after that she died. Just to say that I can never take it for granted that I’m going to be okay. And so I am, as always, hoping like mad that I will once again beat the odds tomorrow and be given another six months.

Had lunch with my friend Juan yesterday and told him how it would feel really extra cruel to get sick again after my life finally feels like it’s the one I’ve always dreamt of. I’m doing work I love, in the place that feels like my real home in the world, my social life is also fulfulling and I’m even starting to not be so hard on myself all the time. Also I have three young cats that I want to watch grow up. So please please please let me be okay tomorrow. Fingers crossed! xx

[UPDATE: ALL CLEAR! Another six months for me! 🙂 ]

all clear!

12 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by azahar in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

≈ 40 Comments

Tags

cancer, friends, hope, hospitals, pet scan

pili and meHUGE sigh of relief… my PET scan was clear today and so I get another six months. I do wonder if this is becoming “routine” for those reading and – like with some people I know  – I get the “oh, don’t worry, you’re going to be fine!” thing beforehand and the “I knew you’d be okay!” afterwards. Which I know is a way of people saying that they are hoping for the best. But sometimes it feels like it is diminishing my own feelings about these tests.

I will be having PET scans every six months until next year and, if all is still well by that time, the scans will then be reduced to once a year. Why? Because I am still considered very high risk for recurrence. And why do I worry so much when I’ve had clean scans for the past four years? Because I’ve already lost a dear friend who was “cancer-free” for four years and another dear friend has been struggling through his latest recurrence for the past year or so. Trust me, these tests are very expensive. They don’t just do them as a matter of course – you have to be considered high risk.

Which is me.

botaniAnyhow, I went off in the rain early this morning and was thrilled to see that the lovely Pilar was a part of my PET team today. She is such a lovely person and a long-time friend. You may recall that back when I was sick on chemo and desperate about how I was going to get through the summer she gave me a month. So it was great finding out that she was on duty today. After my first run through the PET machine I sat with her in the computer room watching my scan images spinning around… first time I’ve ever done that. Pili showed me how this bit was like this, another bit like that. Kind of cool and also a bit freaky. Then we went off for breakfast and after that I had to go through the machine again (this almost always happens because I have a dodgy area that needs rechecking) and then suddenly I was okay!

But you know, after all the build-up of stress and worry it actually takes awhile for the Good News to sink in. So Peter met up with me and we went for a celebratory glass of Botani at the Vineria San Telmo, and then it was a walk home in the rain…

Now I’m here all cosy and thankful and kind of floppy, to be honest. This whole ordeal really takes it outta me. So I think I’ll just take it easy this afternoon and evening. The Next Six Months can start mañana…

hope 2014

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by azahar in cancer, friends, home, hope, life stuff, love

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

hope, life

hope 2014

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to do the same next year.

extremo… or posible?

11 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by azahar in food & drink, hope, restaurants, sevilla, spain, tapas, tapas tours

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

hope, life, tapas tours, work

Yesterday was a bit of a blur as I had – for the first time ever – two tapas tours in one day. Talk about Tapeo Extremo! First a regular Sevilla Tapas Tour at lunch time and then a Gourmet Tapas Tour in the evening. And both went fantastically well. Met lovely people, had an amazing time with great food & wine & conversation. Ended up quite zonked but happy. Very happy.

So I now have a new goal, which is to set up this gastronomy tour biz properly, inspired by Twitter pal Gabriella Ranelli who runs Tenedor Tours in San Sebastian. As most of you know, I’ve been testing the waters since getting off chemo and back to work, but haven’t felt quite ready to bite the bullet and start up a new company with all the extra time and expense that would entail, especially as so far it’s just been a very part-time gig. But if things keep going well I think it may be time to start doing this as a proper full-time job.

Tomorrow I have another double-whammy day coming up with both lunchtime and evening tours – for the second time ever!! – but then nothing for a couple of weeks. Still, it’s quite exciting to think I could actually make this work. Will keep you posted…

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