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~ my life in sevilla

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Tag Archives: sevilla

missing fucking everything

30 Tuesday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in casa azahar, coronavirus, sevilla

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coronavirus, covid-19, sevilla

missing you

I’m really getting tired of people complaining about how they can’t do this or that anymore, or how they now HAVE to do this or that, like it’s some sort of fucking hardship. Because what they are mostly going on about are minor inconveniences that only privileged people get to complain about, like not being able to go on holiday in the same comfort they are accustomed to or (OMG) having to wear a mask in public.

So I’m not here to complain. But man, I do miss so many things. In fact, I miss almost everything about life pre-Covid. Especially that bit about being able to walk outside without fearing for my life. But mostly I miss people. Which means I really miss my job, because it was all about meeting new people, showing them an amazing time having tapas and walking around my beautiful Sevilla, leaving totally destroyed tables like that one above. It was always a good time. And they even paid me to do it! Oh yeah, also miss having an income.

Meanwhile the only human contact touch-wise since March 11th (after a big hug from Victor in Málaga) has been during two medical appointments. Not exactly affectionate. Yet if I were to meet any of my very huggable friends tomorrow I wouldn’t dare. And so yeah, I miss that too. Big time.

But I’m not complaining. And here’s why. Because over the past three months countless people have died, others have lost loved ones, have lost their jobs, their homes, it’s truly a global tragedy beyond our comprehension. I mean, it must be right, otherwise the fucking Karens and Brads wouldn’t be bleating on about their late online deliveries or not being able to take hand luggage on their holiday flight. Right?? Because otherwise that just makes them the most selfish and despicable pieces of shit I hope to never meet.

I mean I do understand people wanting their old lives back, wanting things to go back to how they used to be, because I think that would be lovely too. But I also know that IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN. Surely I cannot be the only person who has realised this and, albeit begrudgingly, has accepted this difficult fact and has moved on to … okay then, now what?? What do we do next? What can we do? To me this is the next logical step.

For me the next steps are just to get through each day as well as I can, and try to think about regrouping and working again… maybe in January? Or maybe I’ll have to reinvent myself once again at the ripe old age of 63 1/2… well, I’ve done it before, many times, but I was younger then and didn’t have dodgy knees. But whatever it takes, you know? Thing is, it’s going to take something that many people may not be prepared for, something called personal sacrifice and empathy. Because nothing is going to be the same ever again, and while I think that in some ways this may not be such a bad thing it sure isn’t going to be easy. Now is the time to realise that we are all in this together. So…

PUT YOUR FUCKING MASK ON.

pride 2020

27 Saturday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in sevilla, spain, video

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Andalucia, pride, pride month, sevilla

pride 2020

I remember always feeling proud to see the pride flag flying atop our city hall building in Plaza Nueva during Pride Month (I know I have a pic of my own somewhere but this one came from wikipedia). It felt good to know I lived in a city in favour of inclusion, diversity and freedom. But today I saw it wasn’t there and then I remembered that the new asshole Andalusian powers that be have forbidden government buildings from flying anything but official flags.

But don’t worry, I fixed it.  😉

pride 2020

pride 2020

los reales alcázares

26 Friday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in andalucia, culture, sevilla, welcome

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

alcazar, sevilla

alcazar 2020 (1)
Last week I went to the Alcázar with my friend Corinna, the first time either of us had been there for ages. Thing is, it’s free for Sevilla residents but it’s always so bloody crowded that we usually just can’t be bothered. But as they had just reopened the palace and gardens, and it was before foreign tourists were allowed to arrive, we took advantage. And it was lovely. There were a few people, mostly Spanish, but no tour groups, and we often found ourselves with nobody around us in the gardens. Heaven.

Here are some pics…

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100 days of solitude

22 Monday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in coronavirus, health & happiness, sevilla

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

casa azahar, coronavirus, lockdown, sevilla, spain

unlock

Yesterday marked the official final day of lockdown in Spain. I started counting Day 1 as March 14th, so that makes it 100 days, but I see some other “official” numbers vary by a day or two. Doesn’t matter. For me it’s been 100 days of lockdown, which have been mostly spent alone, until a few days ago when I dared to meet a friend for lunch. Other than that, there’s been no human contact other than at the supermarket. My last hug was on March 11th. The only times anyone has even touched me since then was when I went to have blood taken, and the other day when the oncologist poked and prodded my belly. This has been hard for a girl who loves her hugs!

What else has been hard in terms of lockdown itself? To be honest? Not that much really. Sure I’ve been a bit bored at times (not often), worried, lonely, anxious, but I’ve also been surprisingly patient and even content, making sure my days include things I enjoy (cooking, chatting online with friends, cuddling cats, writing this silly blog) and I’ve even set up a workout routine for those days I don’t get out for a walk. But as I’ve said here before, I’ve already had training for this when I spent a year and a half basically “locked down” by cancer, chemo and several major abdominal ops. And then I read this very good article by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett which reminded me that I’d also had even more previous training with my agoraphobia, which used to made it impossible to leave my home.

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oncology update!

19 Friday Jun 2020

Posted by azahar in cancer, coronavirus, friends, hope, hospitals, sevilla, spain, tapas, tapas bars, welcome

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Tags

coronavirus, friends, hospitals, sevilla, tapas bars

plaza espanaJust look how fucking gorgeous this is! That is the Plaza de España WITHOUT ANY TOURISTS. My goodness, what a beautiful sight. I snapped this pic while walking home from the hospital today. Finally got my oncology checkup to review all the tests I’ve had done (Feb-March). This got postponed, like most things, by the VIRUS. But today was the day. Luckily I had already been given copies of the test results from my GP so there were no big surprises.

Basically, after another colonoscopy, an upper abdomenal barium x-ray, another CT scan of my thorax and abdomen, and more blood tests, they still don’t know what THE THING is next to my stomach. But it appears to be behaving and they think they can rule out cancer. But short of cutting me open again they can’t know for sure. And they really don’t want to cut me open again. So there will be another CT scan and blood test in September to see if there have been any changes.

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