Category Archives: cancer

pat in sevilla

12 Saturday May 2012

Posted by in cancer, friends, hope, sevilla, spain, tapas, travel, trips, video

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Dearest Pat,

The other day after reading your very moving post No More Room in the Bucket I kind of fell apart. Even though you had told me that you’d stopped treatment – and although I knew exactly what that meant – I guess a part of me just couldn’t accept it. It was only after reading your blog post (published on the same day I wrote here about still being NED) that it finally struck home. Especially when I read this bit…

“There is no more room in the bucket for big dreams like cross-country train trips. I feel a pang watching tv shows set in NYC, knowing that I’ll likely never visit my favorite city again. It aches to see puppies and kittens and know I’ll never own another one. I’ve never tasted foie gras, or truffles, or uni. I never got to visit the Food Network. I’ll never meet my friend Shawn in person or visit her in Seville, Spain.”

And well, I knew straight away that I had to take you out for tapas!

This video was made on the fly on Thursday with my poky pocket video cam and so my clips turned out pretty rough (one clip showing us having some grilled foie and tuna belly at La Azotea was unsalvageable, but oh well…). Luckily my friend Juan Tarquini not only offered to invite us for tapas at his fabulous Vineria San Telmo, he also very generously edited and polished all my rough cuts into something quite wonderful that I could never have done on my own. I hope it will make you smile.

Everyone really enjoyed meeting you and plying you with fabulous food and drink. It was actually quite an amazing day and I know you touched a lot of hearts here during your brief visit in Sevilla. You will always live in mine.

te quiero Amiga,
Shawn xx

For those of you who don’t already know, I met Pat Steer on the Colon Club forum just after being diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer, when all this was new to me and I was scared and looking for helpful information. Pat had been diagnosed four years before me. She became my sister, my friend, my hero. I love her with all my heart.

no tengo cancer

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by in cancer, change, death & dying, diet & nutrition, friends, health & happiness, hospitals

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Four years ago today I wrote this blog post about doubling over in pain and ending up at the hospital, only to be told I had gas and be sent home again. Well, most of you know the story by now. After two more emergency hospital visits they finally admitted me for testing and then raced me over to the general hospital for a life-saving operation that involved removing an obstruction and about half my colon.

And that wasn’t the end of the story as I ended up having two more operations and being on chemo twice, finishing at the end of July 2009. Since then I have been miraculously cancer-free according to the PET scans I’ve been having twice a year. The next one is due in September. And for the most part I feel good, though I still get abdominal discomfort from time to time. Oh, and there was also that freak emergency op last summer, which thankfully didn’t end up being cancer-related.

And so I wonder why I am still okay while my friends Pat and Jed are not. And I wonder how long I’ll be okay. Four years ago I’d gone to the Feria in Jerez the weekend before all this started and saw this graffiti on a wall near the train station that said “I have cancer”. I don’t know what moved me to take a photo of it, but here it is again, slightly – but importantly – modified. I hope I never have to remove the “no”.

a sad day

21 Saturday Apr 2012

Posted by in cancer, cats, death & dying, health & happiness, love

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Yesterday was a very sad day. I’m still taking it in a bit at a time because I can’t actually “go there” yet…

Remember I mentioned on Azar’s birthday post that I’d found a couple of small lumps on his shoulder? Well, on Thursday he scratched off a big scab along with a clump of fur and I realised that there was actually a wound there and that it was infected (bad smell!). And so yesterday I took Azar to see Yolanda. At first she said that it might be a scratch or bite from one of the other cats that got infected, but upon closer inspection she confirmed my worst fear. That it was mostly likely a tumour, and cancerous. I asked her if it might be a vaccine associated sarcoma and she said she couldn’t be sure. But I remember clear as day that she gave Azar his one and only vaccination injection just above his shoulder, the one we gave him to prevent him from catching anything potentially fatal from Loki just over two years ago.

In any case, there is nothing to be done. Yolanda said flat out that at Azar’s age and with his kidney problems, he would not likely survive an operation to remove the tumour, which she said was quite an invasive procedure and required a general anaesthetic. She said the important thing was to ensure his quality of life as long as possible until it was time to “let go of a full and happy life”.  And I stood there calm as can be asking what symptoms I should look out for. But I can’t write them here now because it will make me cry, like I did most of yesterday afternoon.

And I am trying hard not to go through the hellish “what ifs” that are racing through my brain. What if I hadn’t opted for that vaccination, what if Yolanda has given it in a different place (as is recommended these days), what if I’d taken Azar in sooner when I first noticed the lump…

Anyhow, here is a photo of my darling boy (taken five minutes ago) curled up next to me on his favourite stool with the balcony doors open, enjoying a lovely warm spring breeze and lots of cuddles and carresses from his Human. Quality of life still okey-dokey so far.

red meat kills!

14 Wednesday Mar 2012

Posted by in cancer, death & dying, diet & nutrition, food & drink, health & happiness, wtf?

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First of all, read this very silly article – supposedly Health NEWS – from the BBC:

Red meat increases death, cancer and heart risk, says study

Now I ask you… who out there with even half a brain doesn’t know that eating a balanced diet is the healthiest option? Who hasn’t heard (all their lives) that it’s best to eat red meat in moderation? Same goes for fried food, rich sauces, bacon, butter, pâté, fatty cheeses … you know, all the good stuff. And so when I read that a study of over 120,000 people over almost 30 years “suggested red meat increased the risk of death from cancer and heart problems” I clutched my head in despair. In all seriousness, there is probably more “risk of death” every time you cross the street. And, although I don’t eat much red meat myself, I still ended up with colon cancer. So go figure. I honestly don’t see how articles like these are beneficial to anyone – must’ve been an especially slow news day at the BBC.

Meanwhile, that tasty looking dish up there is a divinely decadent combination of perfectly fried eggs (with slightly runny yolks), grilled spicy chorizo Ibérico and potatoes, topped with thin slices of gorgeous jamón Ibérico. But as delicious as it is, I wouldn’t dream of eating that every day. Why? Because I’m not stupid.

I still can’t believe that after years and years of going to the Vineria San Telmo I only tried that dish for the first time during my marathon tapas tours the other day. It truly is to die for. So to speak…

chemo port cleaning

06 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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It was that time of the month again today – chemo port cleaning time! It’s actually been a bit better since they changed their system and I go to the blood lab next to the main hospital building rather than the room where everyone is getting their chemo infusions done. Doesn’t *quite* feel so much like going to the hospital. But I still taxi there and back. A bit of a splurge, but it takes the edge off by going in comfort rather than having to get on a crowded bus, etc.

So after today’s procedure (you can see a tiny white bandaid in my cleavage there – dig that crazy shirt!) I decided to pop over to the Nuclear Medicine department to see if either Ricardo or Isabel were there and ask them if I could get a copy of my last PET scan results. Ended up having a nice visit with Ricardo, talking about travelling and this & that. Finally got around to discussing the whole cancer thing and when he asked how I was feeling I said I felt quite okay, but also felt I should be taking better care of myself. His reply was that we all should and that, although I still have this thing looming over my head, something else could come along and “get me” so probably best to just get on with things and not dwell on it. And you know what? He’s right. He’s also one of the very few people on the planet who could actually say that to me and not make me want to rip their head off.

But the chemo port cleaning is a monthly reminder that I have this port imbedded inside me FOR A REASON. Which is that I’m still considered very high risk for recurrance. Hard not to think of that sometimes, but today talking with Ricardo helped.

Now I’m off to meet a group of 8 people from Thailand and take them on a tapas tour!

What did you do today?