Tag Archives: hope

PET scan check-list

25 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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PET-CTOn Tuesday I started wondering why I hadn’t heard back about my next PET-CT scan so I sent a text to Isabel and that very afternoon I got a call telling me that I was scheduled for the scan on Thursday at 8 am. Which is TOMORROW. So well, fuck.

I was mostly okay about this yesterday but today I’ve kind of lost it. I checked again online to see what the proper PET scan prep is and have been sticking to it, even rescheduling tonight’s tapas tour for tomorrow so I could stay in and get an early night. But I’m such a nervous wreck.

I keep thinking about Pat and how, after four years of being cancer-free, she had a recurrence and not long after that she died. Just to say that I can never take it for granted that I’m going to be okay. And so I am, as always, hoping like mad that I will once again beat the odds tomorrow and be given another six months.

Had lunch with my friend Juan yesterday and told him how it would feel really extra cruel to get sick again after my life finally feels like it’s the one I’ve always dreamt of. I’m doing work I love, in the place that feels like my real home in the world, my social life is also fulfulling and I’m even starting to not be so hard on myself all the time. Also I have three young cats that I want to watch grow up. So please please please let me be okay tomorrow. Fingers crossed! xx

[UPDATE: ALL CLEAR! Another six months for me! 🙂 ]

all clear!

12 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by in cancer, friends, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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pili and meHUGE sigh of relief… my PET scan was clear today and so I get another six months. I do wonder if this is becoming “routine” for those reading and – like with some people I know  – I get the “oh, don’t worry, you’re going to be fine!” thing beforehand and the “I knew you’d be okay!” afterwards. Which I know is a way of people saying that they are hoping for the best. But sometimes it feels like it is diminishing my own feelings about these tests.

I will be having PET scans every six months until next year and, if all is still well by that time, the scans will then be reduced to once a year. Why? Because I am still considered very high risk for recurrence. And why do I worry so much when I’ve had clean scans for the past four years? Because I’ve already lost a dear friend who was “cancer-free” for four years and another dear friend has been struggling through his latest recurrence for the past year or so. Trust me, these tests are very expensive. They don’t just do them as a matter of course – you have to be considered high risk.

Which is me.

botaniAnyhow, I went off in the rain early this morning and was thrilled to see that the lovely Pilar was a part of my PET team today. She is such a lovely person and a long-time friend. You may recall that back when I was sick on chemo and desperate about how I was going to get through the summer she gave me a month. So it was great finding out that she was on duty today. After my first run through the PET machine I sat with her in the computer room watching my scan images spinning around… first time I’ve ever done that. Pili showed me how this bit was like this, another bit like that. Kind of cool and also a bit freaky. Then we went off for breakfast and after that I had to go through the machine again (this almost always happens because I have a dodgy area that needs rechecking) and then suddenly I was okay!

But you know, after all the build-up of stress and worry it actually takes awhile for the Good News to sink in. So Peter met up with me and we went for a celebratory glass of Botani at the Vineria San Telmo, and then it was a walk home in the rain…

Now I’m here all cosy and thankful and kind of floppy, to be honest. This whole ordeal really takes it outta me. So I think I’ll just take it easy this afternoon and evening. The Next Six Months can start mañana…

hope 2014

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by in cancer, friends, home, hope, life stuff, love

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hope 2014

Continuing the “tradition of hope” started on January 3rd 2009 when I posted my first ever Photohunt entry. The theme that week was “hope” and I put up a photo of my daybook turned to January 3rd 2010 with the words “STILL HERE!” written on it. Since then I have posted a similar photo on this date and hope with all my heart that I’ll be here to do the same next year.

extremo… or posible?

11 Sunday Mar 2012

Posted by in food & drink, hope, restaurants, sevilla, spain, tapas, tapas tours

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Yesterday was a bit of a blur as I had – for the first time ever – two tapas tours in one day. Talk about Tapeo Extremo! First a regular Sevilla Tapas Tour at lunch time and then a Gourmet Tapas Tour in the evening. And both went fantastically well. Met lovely people, had an amazing time with great food & wine & conversation. Ended up quite zonked but happy. Very happy.

So I now have a new goal, which is to set up this gastronomy tour biz properly, inspired by Twitter pal Gabriella Ranelli who runs Tenedor Tours in San Sebastian. As most of you know, I’ve been testing the waters since getting off chemo and back to work, but haven’t felt quite ready to bite the bullet and start up a new company with all the extra time and expense that would entail, especially as so far it’s just been a very part-time gig. But if things keep going well I think it may be time to start doing this as a proper full-time job.

Tomorrow I have another double-whammy day coming up with both lunchtime and evening tours – for the second time ever!! – but then nothing for a couple of weeks. Still, it’s quite exciting to think I could actually make this work. Will keep you posted…

chemo port cleaning

06 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by in cancer, health & happiness, hope, hospitals

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It was that time of the month again today – chemo port cleaning time! It’s actually been a bit better since they changed their system and I go to the blood lab next to the main hospital building rather than the room where everyone is getting their chemo infusions done. Doesn’t *quite* feel so much like going to the hospital. But I still taxi there and back. A bit of a splurge, but it takes the edge off by going in comfort rather than having to get on a crowded bus, etc.

So after today’s procedure (you can see a tiny white bandaid in my cleavage there – dig that crazy shirt!) I decided to pop over to the Nuclear Medicine department to see if either Ricardo or Isabel were there and ask them if I could get a copy of my last PET scan results. Ended up having a nice visit with Ricardo, talking about travelling and this & that. Finally got around to discussing the whole cancer thing and when he asked how I was feeling I said I felt quite okay, but also felt I should be taking better care of myself. His reply was that we all should and that, although I still have this thing looming over my head, something else could come along and “get me” so probably best to just get on with things and not dwell on it. And you know what? He’s right. He’s also one of the very few people on the planet who could actually say that to me and not make me want to rip their head off.

But the chemo port cleaning is a monthly reminder that I have this port imbedded inside me FOR A REASON. Which is that I’m still considered very high risk for recurrance. Hard not to think of that sometimes, but today talking with Ricardo helped.

Now I’m off to meet a group of 8 people from Thailand and take them on a tapas tour!

What did you do today?